Staying Present
Randy & I had a rough week. We spent a lot of time talking and thinking about our future. It was provoked by the realization that if I am serious about going to medical school to become a D.O. (Doctor of Osteopathy), which I am really feeling drawn to do, that I have a long road ahead of me. And I'm turning 35 in less than 2 months. This made me want to get going on that path sooner rather than later. If I pursue that, I will have to go back to about two years of undergrad to get some pre-med credits first.
We have discussed living together in another city like New York or perhaps on Maui for a year or so. We have discussed potentially having kids at some point. He wants us to have time to cultivate our relationship while living together before making any big decisions, which I can understand and agree would be good for us. I also feel like I want to get this med school process started soon after returning to the States, which would mean making some decisions before I return. Otherwise the application process lag time will delay everything. He wants us to have time together living in California (SF or LA or a combination of the two) for some months before we decide to go somewhere. I don't want to settle down there and try to rebuild a clientele or start a school program that I would be walking away from less than a year later.
In order to satisfy his need for time together without any major transition, and in order to satisfy my need to even start studying before fall of 2009, it occurred to me that I may need to leave Japan sooner than later. Right now, that feels like something I would regret later, and I tend to not do things I know I may regret.
In addition, he really wanted to go to Burning Man together next year, as did I. I really wanted to go to Thailand before returning from Japan in order to get additional massage training I would need in New York or Hawai'i anyway and would boost my interest in massage. He really wanted to join me there for part of the time. These things are coinciding with one another and are seemingly mutually exclusive both chronologically and financially.
Point being, I was getting caught up in the future and not truly living in the present. When I step back, I realize that New York, Hawai'i, Thailand, Burning Man, medical school, kids, and most of all, sharing it all with someone I love is all a beautiful bonus in my life. Poor me, having to choose between such wonderful opportunities.
Today, I am here. We will sort it all out in due time.
We have discussed living together in another city like New York or perhaps on Maui for a year or so. We have discussed potentially having kids at some point. He wants us to have time to cultivate our relationship while living together before making any big decisions, which I can understand and agree would be good for us. I also feel like I want to get this med school process started soon after returning to the States, which would mean making some decisions before I return. Otherwise the application process lag time will delay everything. He wants us to have time together living in California (SF or LA or a combination of the two) for some months before we decide to go somewhere. I don't want to settle down there and try to rebuild a clientele or start a school program that I would be walking away from less than a year later.
In order to satisfy his need for time together without any major transition, and in order to satisfy my need to even start studying before fall of 2009, it occurred to me that I may need to leave Japan sooner than later. Right now, that feels like something I would regret later, and I tend to not do things I know I may regret.
In addition, he really wanted to go to Burning Man together next year, as did I. I really wanted to go to Thailand before returning from Japan in order to get additional massage training I would need in New York or Hawai'i anyway and would boost my interest in massage. He really wanted to join me there for part of the time. These things are coinciding with one another and are seemingly mutually exclusive both chronologically and financially.
Point being, I was getting caught up in the future and not truly living in the present. When I step back, I realize that New York, Hawai'i, Thailand, Burning Man, medical school, kids, and most of all, sharing it all with someone I love is all a beautiful bonus in my life. Poor me, having to choose between such wonderful opportunities.
Today, I am here. We will sort it all out in due time.
posted by Spencer Douglas at
12:48 PM
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