Momentary Lapse
At Aikido tonight, I did a great job. I felt like I had a decent handle on one of the three-part moves and did it better than some of the students who'd been practicing for years. The head sensei came over and praised me, which was quite an honor.
One of the things I love about Aikido is that if forces me to be in the moment. I can't think about anything else other than the person in front of me and the way I'm going to move my body. Everything else in my life sort of fades away.
I'm told this is what meditation is like, but I have yet to be able to effectively meditate. One of two things happen: 1) My mind is so busy, and I keep wondering how long it's been since I started meditating that session. I try to focus on my breathing or my heartbeat or just notice how my thoughts are going. But I don't seem to stop watching the watcher watching the watcher, and then I get frustrated and stressed out and am not comfortable and want to fidget or scratch my nose or open my eyes or... 2) I'm so relaxed that I just fall asleep.
One of the goals of meditation is to be present in the moment, where the past and future are shown as the illusions they are. Aikido achieves this for me. My mind doesn't wander. I sure don't fall asleep. I am only in the "here" and "now."
Then I come home and think about how Randy and I have had tension for the last two days; how I'm having my first colonoscopy in about 36 hours and can't eat real food tomorrow all day to clean out my colon for the occasion; how my mom and aunt are coming to visit in 5 days, and I'm not done with all the things I need to accomplish before they arrive; how the plane tickets to SE Asia I wanted to purchase went up in price more than $700 over the last few weeks; how I'm going to Korea for three days in April and don't know a thing about the country or even how to say "hello" or "please" or "thank you" in Korean; how I'm nervous to return to America and the decisions I must face there; how I'm not feeling ready to leave Japan yet; how all of this is possibly the cause of my abdominal pain...
And then I return to that place in the dojo where I am reviewing a particular move. I'm grateful to have found something that keeps me in my place.
I hope that everyone finds theirs, whatever it may be.
One of the things I love about Aikido is that if forces me to be in the moment. I can't think about anything else other than the person in front of me and the way I'm going to move my body. Everything else in my life sort of fades away.
I'm told this is what meditation is like, but I have yet to be able to effectively meditate. One of two things happen: 1) My mind is so busy, and I keep wondering how long it's been since I started meditating that session. I try to focus on my breathing or my heartbeat or just notice how my thoughts are going. But I don't seem to stop watching the watcher watching the watcher, and then I get frustrated and stressed out and am not comfortable and want to fidget or scratch my nose or open my eyes or... 2) I'm so relaxed that I just fall asleep.
One of the goals of meditation is to be present in the moment, where the past and future are shown as the illusions they are. Aikido achieves this for me. My mind doesn't wander. I sure don't fall asleep. I am only in the "here" and "now."
Then I come home and think about how Randy and I have had tension for the last two days; how I'm having my first colonoscopy in about 36 hours and can't eat real food tomorrow all day to clean out my colon for the occasion; how my mom and aunt are coming to visit in 5 days, and I'm not done with all the things I need to accomplish before they arrive; how the plane tickets to SE Asia I wanted to purchase went up in price more than $700 over the last few weeks; how I'm going to Korea for three days in April and don't know a thing about the country or even how to say "hello" or "please" or "thank you" in Korean; how I'm nervous to return to America and the decisions I must face there; how I'm not feeling ready to leave Japan yet; how all of this is possibly the cause of my abdominal pain...
And then I return to that place in the dojo where I am reviewing a particular move. I'm grateful to have found something that keeps me in my place.
I hope that everyone finds theirs, whatever it may be.
posted by Spencer Douglas at
11:26 PM
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