Spencer's Far-Out Far East Adventures

now for an extended commercial break...

2008-07-04T04:29:00.002+09:00

After tears from students, dealing with lost luggage from my sister's wedding, and running around like crazy, I'm taking off. I'm finally leaving Japan, and I'm heading into Shanghai, Kuala Lumpur (Malaysia), Bali, Vietnam, Cambodia, for 3-4 days each before staying in Thailand for about 4 weeks.

I'm looking forward to it, but I'm so exhausted right now that all I can think about is bed!

I won't have internet access on a regular basis for some time, so I probably won't be back here for awhile, but when I return to the States in September, I'll start back logging my adventures.

I wish you peace, love, and wellness until my return.

Love,
-Spencer

Role Reversal

2008-05-30T22:02:00.004+09:00

One of my students is a 9-year-old boy. I've been going to his house almost every Friday evening since last December. He is usually a little tired out by his school week and all the homework and extra studies expected of Japanese students (of which English is one). He is restless and doesn't seem to be too happy to be in my lessons. I mean, he's 9 years old, loves baseball like it's the end-all, be-all and wants nothing more than to be outside playing or at least playing a baseball video game... not inside studying another language!

We use flashcards to learn vocabulary for things like food (talking about our favorites) or actions (talking about our abilities), and I do my best to keep him interested by playing various games with them or hiding them around the room. Sometimes I even shuffle them loudly and quickly or fling them at him when he gets them right to keep him alert. One lesson, he was especially drowsy and restless, so I spent the lesson teaching him baseball terms in English and running imaginary plays, having him be the sports announcer. But it always seems like a serious challenge to keep him present.

Like a good little Japanese boy, he is super polite and offers me the first tea and sweets his grandma serves us. He greets me at the door and then later walks me to the door, telling me "thank you. see you next week" as I put on my shoes to go.

When I showed up for my lesson with him tonight, he wasn't smiling like usual. He took me up to the study room upstairs and as he turned on the light, he said rather abruptly and strongly "America kaeru?!?" (are you going back to America?)

Apparently, his mother just found out from another student (yes, the grapevine is alive and well in Kyoto) that I am leaving here in about 5 weeks. So she told him last night.

I told him I was leaving in a few weeks, and his eyes dropped. We did the lesson, and in the middle, he asked me to show him how I shuffle cards. We spent some time on it, until he got better, and then his mom came home. He ran out, without a goodbye, peeking back inside for a quick "thanks."

She told me that he cried last night when she told him I was leaving. He apparently talks about me to his family and how I shuffle the cards like magic and how I study aikido and what foods I like and how I know about baseball... She said that through his tears, he asked her if they could prepare sushi for me for our last meeting, since I told him it was my favorite food during one of our lessons.

My heart felt so heavy and so light at the same time...

I had no idea he even liked me, let alone that he would be sad when I left!

I realized that just as people unknowingly make a lasting impression on me, I must do the same for others. I need to remember that every little thing we do is probably secretly scrutinized by someone and impressed upon others. It reminded me to be mindful of my actions and to feel proud that I make a difference, even when I'm not aware of it.

I feel honored to have been the student tonight, learning from the heart of a 9-year-old.

Preparation Vaccinations

2008-05-26T21:08:00.004+09:00

After some research, I went to get my vaccinations. I looked at the info Randy's doctor gave me, as well as the guide books, and it turns out that in order to go to my combination of Indonesia, Malaysia, Vietnam, Cambodia, and Thailand, I would need:

a Diptheria/Tetanus shot,
a Hepatitis A series (1 shot, and then another one year later),
a Hepatitis B series (1 shot, then another a month later, and then a third one 3 or 4 months after that),
a Typhoid shot,
a Japanese B Encephalitis series (3 shots, a week apart)
a Polio booster shot,
a Measles/Mumps/Rubella booster shot,
and Malaria pills.

You only need the Measles/Mumps/Rubella shot once as an adult, and I had it in 1992 before college. You only need a Polio booster once as an adult, and I had that in 1999, before going to Europe and Morocco. So those are taken care of.

I had a Typhoid shot in 2001, before going to Turkey, but it only lasts 2-3 years, so I have to do it again. I also got the first Hep A shot and the first 2 Hep B shots, but I never finished the series because I lost my health insurance at the time. The doctor told me I probably still have some immunity built up, so I only need one of each to get me through this trip, but I should consider finishing the series up when I return. If you finish the A series, you're good for at least 20 years. If you finish the B series, you are probably good for life.

The hospital I was referred to is a Baptist Hospital all the way on the far side of Kyoto, up in the Eastern mountains. After two hours there, I was only give the Hep A in one arm and the Dip/Tet in the other arm, in addition to a prescription for the Malaria pills. The two shots cost me almost $100. They don't carry the other vaccinations on hand, so they sent me to the city hospital to ask about those.

I went to the city hospital, but I got there just at 5pm, and they were closing the outpatient services. I have to go back in the morning (even though he isn't there on Tuesdays) and do my patient intake forms for the pediatrician I need to see. Apparently in Japan, only pediatricians give vaccinations at public hospitals.

So then I went to get my prescription filled for the Malaria pills. You have to take one pill every week, starting a week before you go, continuing for 4 weeks after you get back home! I took them before in Morocco, so I know they make me sort of nauseous and give me mild diarrhea. But I'm going to be in lush, mountainous climates during the rainy season (especially in Northern Thailand), and historically, the mosquitoes love the Spencer juice! So I'm better nauseous than sorry...

Of course, they don't just have Malaria pills on hand at your local drug store, so my local place was plum out. They are seeking them out for me, calling around to other pharmacies, trying to locate them for me. Good thing I started this process early!

By the time I finished all of this, it was after 7pm, and so I missed my chance to go to Aikido, which is probably just fine, since the shots left me with sore arms and a dull headache.

So I went to a shrine I've always wanted to go to, tucked into the base of the Western mountains (opposite side of Kyoto from the hospital). It was closed. Many temples close at around 5:30 or 6, but shrines usually stay open. Unfortunately, this one closes at 6. I walked around the area, and realized how beautiful it was there. It's on the Katsura River, just about a mile South of Arashiyama.

The riverside, the mountains in the background, the wildflowers blooming, the kids playing in the green park, people gathering along the river to have a BBQ... I went back to the giant doors for the shrine, and watched as one person at a time would intermittently and silently come through the orange gate, walk up to the closed doors, and do their clap twice and pray routine. I'd never seen people do it facing a closed door before! There was about 5-10 minutes between visitors, and I sat on the steps leading up to the doors. Eventually, I figured I might as well follow suit, so I went to the doors, clapped twice, bowed, and then started to cry. I didn't even know why. I was lonely and scared, and frustrated and tired, and anticipating missing this place that I haven't finished exploring yet. I wish I had another year here, but with Randy here with me. These places and moments of peace aren't something he and I really got to experience much of together.

So I stood there with my eyes closed, tears streaming down my face, praying for "smoothness." Smoothness in the upcoming transitions. In my goodbyes to people here. In my personal goodbye to Japan. In my travels through SE Asia. In my return to my babe. In our adjustment to living together. In the upcoming life decisions. All I want is the peace and harmony I could feel in that spot, not even inside the shrine, but at it's doors, surrounded by nature as the sun began to set. I want that feeling to continue...

What I got in that doorway was an injection of what I needed most. I hope it builds up antibodies and strengthens me in the upcoming months.

Letter to Laura

2008-05-24T22:39:00.002+09:00

I haven't been here in a while. After my mom's visit, then Randy's visit, then a trip to South Korea, and then my good friend Matthew's visit, it hit me that I only had about 6 weeks left here, and I had a lot left to do and see! I also had to start the process of informing my students and making the usual moving arrangements, in addition to preparing to go to SE Asia (Malaria pills or Typhoid shots, anyone?).

Recently, my friend, Laura sent me an e-mail asking how I was doing, which provoked the unleashing of the chaos in my head and heart. I'm attaching the letter I wrote back to her. It's not a short writing, so don't read if you aren't really interested. Below you will find how I'm feeling about leaving Japan, my relationship with Randy, and my upcoming & future plans...

Sent May 23rd, 2008:

Goodbyes. I find it ironic that I finally built my bodywork practice in San Francisco to be fully booked, just a couple months before leaving, and then I walked away from a successful, self-supporting practice. I had to tell each of my clients that I was "abandoning" them (can you read into my guilt there?) and didn't know if I was coming back. There were tears and disappointment, swirled in with the hope and excitement of new horizons. It was also time for some of my clients to break free from what I could do for them to move on to the next person. Sometimes, we need that change to help shift our healing or growth... for the practitioner as well as the client!

Well, I thought I was heading out for more secure pastures, working for a big company here. it turned out that they misled us as to when and how much we'd be getting paid at the beginning. It put a major damper on exploring a new country and culture. As soon as I recovered from the initial "catch-up," they stopped paying us and then went bankrupt. After that, it took me a long time to build up my own business of private English lessons. But I did it...

...this week!

Just as I'm ready to leave, my business is finally booming, and I find myself telling a new set of clients (students) that I'm leaving them, probably not coming back. Many of my students are from advertising, but some are leftover from my old company. After the company folded, some of them had to make hard decisions about who to study with, and the ones who chose me are now feeling deceived and disappointed. Here I am again, telling people goodbye, that they only have a few weeks left with me. Again with the tears. Again with the guilt. Again, I am torn between leaving a place I love and the place I have finally built for myself, going off in a new direction to who-knows-what.

At least with leaving San Francisco, I needed a break and was ready for a change. I don't feel done here, especially with Aikido, but also learning Japanese...and of course I just met some really cool, spiritual Japanese people (last week!) who speak English and are inviting me to events, etc... This place has been a giant leap in personal development and growth and tested my inner strength and ability to lean on others when my strength isn't enough... and still I know that it's time for me to go. It's time for me to be with Randy. It's time for me to move forward with building my life. Here it feels like just "being," which is great, but with every drawing back, there needs to be the wave crashing forward to keep the ebb and flow of life moving smoothly.

And all of this emotional cloudiness is serving to distract me from the true issue at hand: what do I want my life to look like once I get back to it? I'm not even sure if I want to be a bodyworker any more. It is one of the most rewarding jobs I've had, but it also takes a lot out of me sometimes. It's not something I can easily do if I'm sick or emotionally distracted. On the other hand, it makes me feel at peace and like I'm contributing something to the world that I can be proud of. I find that I also love teaching. It has immediate rewards, as I love watching the light bulb go off above someone's head and the joy in their eyes when they "get it." But I'm tired of building my own practice and yet want the flexibility that come with it.

Another part of me wonders if I shouldn't enter into some sort of seminary study to focus on my spiritual self and the guidance I could offer others. That seems like the most difficult option, but also rewarding and in alignment with who I want to be in the world.

And then there's the "where do we live" question. Honestly, L.A. doesn't feel like a fit, it feels like a vacation. It's difficult for me to imagine settling down there. It's where Randy is, so that makes it extremely appealing. I know I could do it, and I could enjoy it too, but I don't think it would be true to myself if I stayed there for too long. San Francisco also feels a little off right now. Like coming back to a life that I haven't had a big enough break from. I truly miss my friends there and the feeling of familiarity and comfort of the first "home" I've ever had in my life. At the same time, I feel like I need more growth, which has historically been difficult for me in familiar territory, without withdrawing from my surroundings.

Either way, my desires are to be somewhere else (NYC? Italy? Hawaii?), and so do I really put the effort into starting up another practice, knowing that it may be temporary and have to go through the goodbyes and disappointment and guilt all over again, knowing that in the meantime, it gives me flexibility and freedom? Or do I work for some company (who I don't have to build up and won't feel bad for leaving) that provides me with the "security" of a paycheck and paid vacation time and health insurance but places strict demands on my time?

Any of your input would be greatly appreciated...

Actually, I think that I'm going to turn this email into a blog entry, now that I realize how much I've been holding back on. I apologize for unleashing it on you! I guess I miss our time together as well. It was really helpful for me as well...I always appreciated your perspective.

All of that was in response to just your first paragraph! On to the rest...

Thank you for your input on my blog entries. It know it's a little stiffer than I would like it to be but my audience is all over the board too, so some of me isn't quite relaxed, knowing various people from various parts of my life will be reading it.

On another note, I'm really proud of you for taking this move as an opportunity to reevaluate what you want to do (how "Spencer" of you!). Most people never stop to consider their options or even to check in to see if they are happy with the status quo. Too many people go through the motions of life, later wondering what happened to them. Don't let life happen to you. Make it what you want it to be... even if that's to continue in the same profession and not making a change... just do it out of choice and not inertia.

There are plenty of jobs out there that would utilize your unique combination of skills, and I encourage you to seek your options out. Think outside the cubicle!

I'm glad that you and Yasser are doing well. Relationships require desire and effort and communication, and I honor you for being in touch with all three.

Randy and I are doing well. We are both struggling more with the distance over such a long period of time, but we are also both happy to see the light at the end of that tunnel. We have spent the last year plus dealing with the fundamentals of how we approach life and decisions and relationships, as well as discovering and communicating what we need and want from a partner. We have challenged our own senses of patience, compassion, and understanding. We have also grown and developed at the same time as learning about one another, which makes for slippery definitions of one another and difficult shifting images of who the other one is. These things will become less hazy (though hopefully not less potential for growth and development) as we are in each other's physical presence.

At this point, my plan is to return to L.A. to live in Randy's place while we prepare for the next step together. He insists that it is "our" place and not "his," showing great amounts of caring and effort in doing so. He is trying hard to include me in things like buying furniture and renovating a bathroom, which is really sweet and shows how much he wants me to be a part of it. At the end of the day, I still feel like I'm moving in to a place I've never lived, while he has been there for over two years. He renovated it with the input of his ex-boyfriend, and they lived there together. I feel somewhat haunted by the fact that they moved in there together. I guess at the bottom of it isn't whether or not it's his or theirs. I want to build our life together, and I know that in any life there is always a remnant of the past with us. It's his past that made him into the person I love. At the same time I want to find someplace together that's "ours." I didn't pick this place out. I didn't renovate it. I didn't choose the paint color or furniture (although he included me in recent decisions about stuff like this...I still wasn't there for it). For that matter, I didn't choose this city or neighborhood. And I'm not saying I don't like these things! They just weren't my choice. I'm saying that I'm going there because it's where he is. And that makes it the closest thing to "home" I'm going to have while dealing with the shock and adjustment of re-entry to the U.S. I am grateful for my "landing pad" and look forward to figuring out our future together.

To answer your question, he is open to moving up to S.F., splitting our time between the two cities, or eventually a myriad of places in the future, and so we will sort some of these things out in the coming weeks before I leave Japan.

Then, I'm off to see some other parts of Asia for about 7 weeks, sharing the last two weeks of it with Randy, returning to the States at the very end of August.

In a nutshell, I am sad to be leaving here, have anxiety about what my future looks like, and am ready for the sigh of homecoming.

Thank you for your hug. I needed it...

Love,
-Spencer

Mom's visit, part Seven

2008-04-27T21:18:00.004+09:00

On our last day together, one of my sweetest and shyest students, Mikiko, came to meet up with us. She actually had taken the day off work and showed up in a kimono, just for the event! We walked through the Nishiki Food Market, where various ingredients and fresh fish are displayed and available for purchase or sampling. Afterward, we went shopping in the covered shopping arcade, and I took them shoe shopping at a store I'd been eyeing because of their uniquely Japanese brands. Spoiled guy that I am, I ended up with some new shoes out of it all! Even Mom and Jacque found some they liked at that shop, but of course, nothing was like the traditional ones Mikiko was wearing (the tiny wooden sandals and split-toe socks)!

All in all, it was a great visit. I'm so glad that they came and showed an interest in my home for the last year, bravely trying new foods, meeting many of my students, and even learning a few words in Japanese. Way to go...

Mom's visit, part Six

2008-04-27T21:00:00.003+09:00

According to ancient beliefs, each side of the capital needed to be protected. There is a symbolic animal for each of the four directions who does that duty, and the creature for the East is a dragon. Mom and Jacque happened to be here on the day of the year when they celebrate the dragon at Kiyomizudera, a temple built into the mountainside. This temple was recently nominated to be one of the Seven Wonders of the World. It was a long slow climb up to the temple, but it was worth it!

The festival began with energetic taiko drumming. Then, there were women dressed as spirits, coming to bless the mountain, the temple, and the people there. We pushed (and were pushed) our way to the front and actually were able to receive a blessing from them! After walking around the temple some more, we came to the front where the procession just so happened to be taking place. We actually had a great view of the dragon itself.

We left the temple and made our way to a live performance by actual geisha, who also presented us with some tea beforehand. This dance is called the Miyako Odori, and it heralds the coming of spring. There are five houses of geisha left in Kyoto, each giving a unique performance. We went to see the Miyako house's show. The performance was accompanied by traditional instruments and singing, but of course, we couldn't understand any of it! I thought the costumes and sets were beautiful, and so was the way the geisha moved, but it was about a hour long, and after 20 minutes or so, I'd had enough...

Once it was over, we left the performance and headed downtown to meet some other traveling foreigners and eat some really good fresh food at a buffet. At least everyone could eat as much as they like of things they actually liked rather than the tiny dishes we'd been getting everywhere else! It was another long day, but full of spectacular events...

Mom's visit, part Five

2008-04-27T20:39:00.003+09:00

The next day, we met Yasuko and Hiroko, two more of my students, for a tour of the Imperial Palace in English. (please be patient with that page of photos...it may take some time to load fully.) For some reason, they allow foreigners to visit the palace year-round, but Japanese people are restricted to touring it on only two special days a year unless they are accompanying foreigners, so my students were thrilled. It was so pristine, and it was the same bright orange color as the Shinto shrines here. We found out that the orange color was thought to ward off bad energy and evil spirits. Many of the accents were capped with a white paint, and we were told that it somehow prevented termite infestations, since the buildings were all made of wood.

The palace also houses some of the most beautiful gardens I have seen in Japan. Grass is almost never seen here, but moss is abundant. While the West tends to think of moss as a sign of no progress, Japan reveres it, as it creates a feeling of stillness and peace. These gardens were used for poetry readings and meditation, so moss is perfect for setting the stage.

Once we were outside the palace walls, we went into the park surrounding the palace itself. Here, we found some of the most gorgeous, fully blooming cherry blossoms yet. They seemed to fill the space and your view, almost having an unreal effect, like living in a fantasy or on a movie set. Plus, it was the best weather we'd had yet. There were tons of people there just taking in the view and relaxing. Even a couple of cats got in on the action! Many people were taking pictures or even sketching and painting the trees too. Some couples were just lounging on the ground or benches. It truly was romantic.

We went to lunch with the students for yet another traditional spread. After having had a few jam-packed days in a row, we called it a day, as far as sightseeing went.

Mom's visit, part Four

2008-04-27T20:13:00.006+09:00

On Tuesday, we met up with Sadao again, for another day of being led around. He first took us to one of the most important and largest zen temples in Kyoto, called Nanzen-ji. It's up on the East mountainside, and has a giant protective gate that we were able to climb up. The stairway is steep and narrow, with hordes of people going up and down at the same time, making for a difficult climb. But the view from the top was amazing. You could see all of Kyoto from over the treetops, and just looking down at the subtemples below was beautiful.

Sadao then treated us to yet another traditional meal, and I think the novelty had worn off for my visitors by this point. There is so much to Japanese food besides sushi, teriyaki, and tempura that most Americans know nothing about. So each of my students wanted to introduce them to traditional cuisine here. But that meant a little redundancy, especially for food they didn't really like but had to eat to be polite!

After lunch, we got on a boat ride that took us around a nearby canal, lined with cherry blossoms. It had started to rain (again!) so the covered roof was nice. As we went under low bridges, the roof actually lowered by hydraulics so that we could clear them.

From the dock, we walked to the Kyoto Handicraft Center to do some shopping. I left Mom and Jacque with Sadao so that I could teach a couple lessons and meet up with them later. Unfortunately, Sadao took his duties too seriously and began to drag them all over the place, stopping for only brief intervals. They barely even made it in time to meet me later!

During certain times of the year, some of the tourist attractions have special night time "light-ups" where you can see illuminated vegetation. In this case, we met up with some of my students to see the Nijo Castle Light-up. Unfortunately, the blossoms hadn't fully bloomed here yet, but it was still a beautiful night, and we were surprised by a concert of koto, traditional Japanese stringed instruments, played by women in kimono.

Along with the students, we went to dinner and then to see a movie (in English), which didn't let out until midnight. Another long day was behind us...

Mom's visit, part Three

2008-04-27T19:44:00.005+09:00

Another big day ahead of us, we headed out to the Westin Miyako Hotel, where they have a traditional tea house. We received the traditional tea ceremony and had it explained to us. The ceremony, like all zen things, is focused on the way it's done. Each movement is specific and precise, and all parts are to be enjoyed, including the making, the drinking, the cup it's served in, and the decoration of the space itself. The cups and decorative alcove also reflect the season by having something representative present.

From there, we got on a 45-minute train ride to Nara. It was the ancient capital of Japan before Kyoto, up until 794 AD. From the train station to the tourist attractions, we walked through deer park, where hundreds of deer roam around freely and are used to getting fed by visitors. In fact, they are rather pushy about it, and I got butted a few times! Mom didn't want to feed them at first, but after a few minutes, she warmed up to it.

As we walked onward, we encountered a few monks. Some were visiting, and another was chanting, asking for money. Mom gave him some and got a blessing in return. When he saw I was taking his photo, he perked up and posed with her!

After walking through deer park, we arrived at the largest free-standing wooden building in the world. The temple is called Todai-ji, and it houses the largest bronze Buddha statue in the world, also known as Daibutsu or "Big Buddha." It was pretty dark inside, so some of the photos didn't come out that well. Outside the building, there was a statue of a healing god. You are supposed to rub the part of the statue that pains you, and then rub that part on yourself as well. All three of us took our turns, hoping to relieve whatever ailed us!

Up on a nearby hill is a five-story pagoda and temple known as Horyu-ji. It's very beautiful, but at this point, we were hungry and freezing from the wind, and decided to head back toward the train station.

Another 45-minute train ride later, we arrived in the hustle and bustle of Osaka. The bright lights everywhere are accompanied by fashion, which is just as popular with the men as the women. In fact, I think the guys spend more time tanning and blowdrying their hair than the girls do! After walking around a bit, we stopped at a pet shop/cafe where you can drink a cup of coffee while you pet the rescue dogs there. If you want you can also "rent" them by the hour and take them for a walk as well. We then met up with a few girls who work for a company that has helped find me students. They are really cute and fun, and they had a great time meeting my mom and Jacque.

Mom's visit, part Two

2008-04-27T19:22:00.004+09:00

We woke up early on Sunday to head off to a large Zen temple known as Tenryu-ji. We were able to tour the inside of the temple itself, which is pretty empty. One aspect of zen is the idea of emptiness or nothingness, and so the temples are full of just that. Besides a few instruments used to call followers to prayer or daily meditation, there wasn't much to see. Even the Buddha statue was hidden under a curtain, mostly obscured from sight. (if you click on the word "Tenryu-ji" above, it will take you to the photos, but there are three small pages of them. Make sure you click on the little arrows in the upper left corner to see all three pages.)

One of my favorite things about zen temples is their gardens. They are neatly kept and have blooming flowers nearly year-round. There were many flowers I'd never seen before, and we never even found out the name! We didn't stay long because it was starting to rain, and we had plans to eat at a restaurant where Haruko, one of my students, works. It was their first experience with the many courses, all served on small individual dishes. I'm so proud that they tried everything, even the things that looked sketchy! On our way to the restaurant, we walked through Arashiyama, one of my favorite areas in Kyoto. That included first encounters with geishas and guys pulling people on two-wheeled carriages.

After lunch and a couple lessons, one of my other students, Chikako, joined us to go to a traditional residence and garden up on the mountain side. It is called Okochi Sanso, named for the silent film actor who lived there for many years. Unfortunately it was still rainy and gray, and I got soaked, but it was beautiful nonetheless.

We left there and took a trip to another student's family home where Yoshiko and her family served us another traditional meal, starting with cherry blossom tea (a little too salty if you ask me). It was a long day, and we were all glad to get home, get dry, and get to sleep...

Mom's visit, part One

2008-04-27T18:43:00.008+09:00

Well I'm going to do my best to catch you up. My mom and aunt Jacque were here for a week. The day they left, Randy arrived and was here for over a week. Three days later, I went to South Korea to get my visa renewed as I came back to Japan. I'm back now and will show you the highlights of these events...

{As usual, you can click on the links for names of places, and it will take you to the photos for that place. You can enlarge the photos by clicking on them, and you can save them by right-clicking on them...}

DAY ONE: After I taught a few lessons, we headed out for the first day. One of my students, Sadao, is learning English so that he can hopefully become a tour guide. He was so excited by my visitors and insisted on guiding us around a little bit. He was actually very demanding, and even scolded me for letting my mom pay for anything! In Japan, that would be disrespectful and unheard of.

Our first stop was Kinkakuji, also known as the "Golden Pavilion." It was there that they got their first taste of Japanese sweets. Many of them are derived from mochi, which is rice gluten, sweetened with various flavors. It is sometimes gooey or mushy, and according to my mother, has the consistency of Elmer's Glue! Mochi would be known as "Elmer's" for the rest of the trip.

After the Golden Pavilion, we headed to Hirano Shrine, known for its cherry blossoms. Unfortunately, we were a little too early to get the full bloom there, but it was their first glimpse of them and to see people lined up to pray at a shrine. In April, everything changes in Japan. It's when people get promoted or change jobs, the tax year ends March 31st, menus change at restaurants, and everything seems to get overhauled at once. So the new employees at a company are expected to go to the shrines and stake out territory for the company outing to sit under the cherry blossoms and have sake or wine or beer. At this shrine, we could see some employees setting up their tarps and guarding their space.

We took the back road to one of my favorite shrines next: Kitano Tenmangu. It was built to honor one of Japan's great educators who lived over a thousand years ago! Students travel from all over to rub one of the many ox statues, thought to bring good luck in exams or education. Sadao also helped my mom get her fortune, a piece of paper that tells you about your future. If it's no good, you tie the paper to one of the nearby plants or trees (so that's what she did).

Momentary Lapse

2008-03-24T23:26:00.003+09:00

At Aikido tonight, I did a great job. I felt like I had a decent handle on one of the three-part moves and did it better than some of the students who'd been practicing for years. The head sensei came over and praised me, which was quite an honor.

One of the things I love about Aikido is that if forces me to be in the moment. I can't think about anything else other than the person in front of me and the way I'm going to move my body. Everything else in my life sort of fades away.

I'm told this is what meditation is like, but I have yet to be able to effectively meditate. One of two things happen: 1) My mind is so busy, and I keep wondering how long it's been since I started meditating that session. I try to focus on my breathing or my heartbeat or just notice how my thoughts are going. But I don't seem to stop watching the watcher watching the watcher, and then I get frustrated and stressed out and am not comfortable and want to fidget or scratch my nose or open my eyes or... 2) I'm so relaxed that I just fall asleep.

One of the goals of meditation is to be present in the moment, where the past and future are shown as the illusions they are. Aikido achieves this for me. My mind doesn't wander. I sure don't fall asleep. I am only in the "here" and "now."

Then I come home and think about how Randy and I have had tension for the last two days; how I'm having my first colonoscopy in about 36 hours and can't eat real food tomorrow all day to clean out my colon for the occasion; how my mom and aunt are coming to visit in 5 days, and I'm not done with all the things I need to accomplish before they arrive; how the plane tickets to SE Asia I wanted to purchase went up in price more than $700 over the last few weeks; how I'm going to Korea for three days in April and don't know a thing about the country or even how to say "hello" or "please" or "thank you" in Korean; how I'm nervous to return to America and the decisions I must face there; how I'm not feeling ready to leave Japan yet; how all of this is possibly the cause of my abdominal pain...

And then I return to that place in the dojo where I am reviewing a particular move. I'm grateful to have found something that keeps me in my place.

I hope that everyone finds theirs, whatever it may be.

Forceful Harmony

2008-03-14T21:50:00.002+09:00

It's no mistake that the Chinese word for "harmony" and for "Japan" are both pronounced "wa." Disturbing the peace here is an unspoken no-no. I have seen many mothers doing their best to hush up their kids in public without actually telling them to do so. Explicitly telling them is considered to disturb the peace as well. I've never seen "going with the flow" practiced as such an art form until I came here.

I've been given many theories as to why this is:

1) If you stood out in old times, you ended up dead. If you made a ruckus, you were a "trouble-maker" and would be targeted by the emperor's men or samurai or whoever happened to be in control at the time.

2) "A unified Japan is a strong Japan," so each person must do what it takes to ensure the strength of the nation by maintaining the unity.

3) Unless you were the emperor, there was always someone around who was more important than you. By doing anything that brought attention to you, it was saying that your existence was paramount and worthy of focus.

Regardless of the reasons, causing a scene or doing anything that brings attention to yourself is so frowned upon, it feels almost illegal.

My most recent experience with this is that I have two ladies who have taken lessons together for years. One of them advanced faster than the other, so she approached me about taking private lessons on the side, claiming she wanted more practice. She didn't tell the other student and slowly began canceling from time to time on their joint lessons. The other student called me tonight to tell me that she wants to take private lessons, so that she can have time to focus on special topics of interest to her.

They both want to be apart, but neither wants to disturb the other by having a discussion about that. So they are continuing to go through the motions of group lessons, even though they are each "secretly" having private lessons with me on the side and are each dissatisfied with the group lessons.

So now it's up to me to end the awkward, tense lessons with them together. They won't do it. And it occurs to me that I can't end them by talking about the real reasons. That would make them both REALLY uncomfortable and a little resentful toward me. I will have to make some excuse for us to stop meeting on that day at that time, and even though it won't be the truth, it will be perfectly acceptable. In fact, it will be preferable to the truth. They will each know it isn't the truth, but then they can just fade off into private lessons without ever discussing it or seeing each other again.

The twisted part of this is that the more gentle and vaguely elaborate my reasoning is for ending the group lessons, the more respect I will gain from each of them for my skills in this arena.

Wish me luck!

Housewarming Snowstorm

2008-03-08T23:22:00.004+09:00

I recently recovered from a cold. I know exactly how I caught it too.

Naomi (in the photo above) was a student at the school I worked at last year. She has since invited me to many things like dinner parties and festival celebrations. Recently, she invited me to her coworker's housewarming party. Mamiko (the coworker) and her husband Julian (from England) recently bought a house here. We had a great night, and I got to meet many new people.

While I was there, it started to snow...HARD, and I couldn't get home by train. At the end of the party, Julian and a few of us went to a bar, and we ended up walking back in the snow for about two hours! It was fun to make snowballs, eat some clean snow, and just see the soft beauty of the city.

But of course that was the night I forgot my scarf and hat and gloves when I ran out the door to meet Naomi. I'm sure that didn't help my health any... By the time I took a cab back to my bike, it was covered in snow, and so was the road. On the way home, I wiped out, going around a corner (but luckily had just enough beer in me to not really feel the full impact)! Photos of the party and snow are HERE.

I'm always glad to experience snow and its gentle beauty and crisp air, but I'm just as glad when it all starts to melt and spring comes along. It's been a colder year than usual here (or so they tell me), with many days under 20 degrees and about 15 days of snow, as opposed to the usual 5 or 6 they have.

Today broke 50 degrees, and I'm happy to say that spring is on it's way...

Sayonara Bec & Dave!

2008-03-08T22:41:00.003+09:00

There were many casualties of Nova's collapse (the school I worked for). One of the saddest to me is that many of my friends couldn't afford to stay here any more. I luckily got through it by the skin of my teeth due to unemployment and Randy's generosity.

Two of my friends from Australia, Bec and Dave, were the most recent to leave. They had planned on moving to Thailand for a while anyway, and after things got messy here, they figured they might as well go earlier than planned.

They were the type of people that I instantly gravitated toward and know that we will stay in touch for years to come (but not in that cheesy "best friends forever" way!). We had an authentic connection, able to talk about life, philosophy, music, movies, relationships, or just sit and not have to talk. We had many late nights, fun experiences, and moments of clarity.

I miss them. I will see them when I go to Thailand, hopefully they will visit the U.S., and eventually I will see them in Australia.

Here are some photos of their farewell karaoke night (that Dave was unfortunately sick and mostly absent for), as well as a shot of two Geishas I happened to see the next day.

Setsubun

2008-03-08T21:59:00.007+09:00

In February (ironically, the same day as Groundhog Day), there is a festival here called Setsubun to say goodbye to the demons of winter and prepare for spring. "Setsubun" literally means "dividing the seasons." There are a few traditions involved, and I was lucky enough to have finally made a few Japanese friends who invited me to various events that weekend.

First, they go to a temple and pray for a healthy spring. They throw roasted soy beans at the ground from the front door of their houses, and again later at the temple, shouting "demons out, good fortune in!" (in Japanese of course). Sometimes, people wear demon masks and others throw beans at them. Naomi, a student at my old school invited me to come with her and her son, Kouhei (who is currently my youngest student) to the temple. We had a great time, even though it snowed a little on us.

Another thing you do is eat the same number of dried soy beans as our age plus one. The way they see it, on New Years, everyone becomes one year older. It is consistent with the traditional group mentality of Japan. Individuality is somewhat traditionally frowned upon. So birthdays aren't a huge deal here, except at particular coming-of-age years. They are usually only small nuclear family dinners to celebrate privately. Instead of personal birthdays, everyone conceptually gets older at the same time on Jan. 1st!

So Satoshi (also an ex-student) and his wife Akiko invited me over to their house to eat soy beans and what I like to call "sushirritos" (that's my name for it...not theirs). They are basically sushi rolls that haven't been cut up, so they look like burritos. Each year, you are supposed to face one particular direction and eat the sushirrito in one sitting without speaking or moving. This year is Year of the Rat, so we faced SSW, the direction that supports the Rat. We had a great night talking about music (something I've been missing in my life lately) and eating "nabe," a Japanese stew.

I'm really grateful that I've finally started connecting with Japanese people, getting invited into their homes and to festivals with them. I finally feel respected and accepted. To see the rest of my Setsubn photos, click here.

Mindset & Plans

2008-03-08T21:28:00.003+09:00

I've been thinking about the upcoming transitions in my life, and I recently sent this in an email to a friend:

-----------------------------------
I know what you mean about visiting temples. I was so charmed by them at first. Actually, even more so by the Shinto shrines. I feel a deeper connection to them than to the Buddhist temples here. But there are about 300-400 temples and shrines in just Kyoto, let alone the other 11 cities and towns I've visited! I'm starting to feel a little burnt out on them. I don't even look at them when I ride by them anymore on my way to lessons. It's taking more and more to impress me! And of course, my time here is coming to an end in 4 months. But in three weeks, my mom is coming with my aunt; one week later, Randy is coming back for 10 days; and then three weeks after that, Matthew Mommer is coming for a week. Needless to say, I'll be seeing plenty more temples and shrines over the next two months... some of them for the second or third time.

I don't know if I'll be back in this part of the world without a limited time, and I finally got 80% of my back pay from last September, October, and November (at last!!), so I'm planning a whirlwind tour, much like I did in Europe. I like to call it my Asian "sampler platter:"

4 days in Shanghai, China
1/2-day layover on Brunei
5 days in Bali, Indonesia
3 days in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
3-4 days in Cambodia
4-5 days in Viet Nam

Then I was planning on doing Level 1 & 2 at a Thai massage school in Chiang Mai, followed by the weekend class on adapting Thai massage for the table.

Then Randy comes for 15-17 days, so we will take a cooking class in Chiang Mai, go to the full moon party and go scuba diving on Ko Pha Ngang, rest a couple days in Phuket, visit Angkor Wat in Cambodia together, and then stop in Bangkok for a couple days before flying out.

Whew! I'm tired just thinking about it. I didn't even mention the trips I'm taking to South Korea for two days to get my visa renewed in April and then to Virginia Beach for my sister's wedding in June (returning here just in time to pack up for a week and get off to SE Asia).

Plus, when I get back to L.A., I have about 8 days before heading up to Oregon to Randy's best friend's wedding. And the weekend after that, I'm hoping/planning to go to Grief and Growing in some capacity, even though it's my birthday weekend. I think it would be great and grounding to go somewhere healing and familiar to me. It's somewhat upsetting though, that it would be the third year in a row Randy and I won't be together for my birthday.

Honestly, I know this is a lot of moving around, but I am ready for a change. This (Japan) has been good for me (of course!), but after finally having adjusted and setting things up, I'm also feeling ready to either sink into it long-term, which isn't what I want now, or to ironically move on to something different.

Another level to it is that will be the 2nd-longest period of time I've ever gone without working since I was 12 years old. I'm a little nervous about no income. I'm saving up now for it all, but I'm also going to have to rely on credit for a little of it. And I have no solid game plan for when I return (where to live? job?).
------------------------------------

SO much is up in the air and exciting on the horizon. The next 6 months of my life are going to be rewarding in phenomenal ways, followed by a long-awaited and well-deserved reunion with Randy. It will be so good to sit still with someone I love by then.

Rerax, rerax...

2008-03-08T21:15:00.004+09:00

The service in Japan is amazing. I went in for my stomach camera procedure. Because they didn't speak English very well, they were completely prepared for me. I was ushered from one room to the next, drinking liquids to prepare, taking different forms of numbing agents. In each room, taped to the tables, there were notes for each nurse with the English translation beneath the Japanese. They just showed me the note in each room to explain what I needed to do! They had prepared this hours in advance. Amazing. And all through the gagging of the procedure itself, the nurse kept rubbing my shoulders, saying "Rerax, rerax..." (relax) There was none of the "professional distance" Western doctors and nurses keep. The doctor talked to me like a human being and was extremely sympathetic.

It turns out that I have a completely healthy stomach, and the doctor doesn't know what is wrong. It's possibly just stress, but I have a feeling it's a little more than that. The next step would be an MRI or colonoscopy. However, I found out that my (non-Japanese) insurance company won't cover any of this, including the stomach scope. Since I just signed up with them in December, they assume that whatever is wrong is a pre-existing condition. They don't cover diagnostics until they get a solid diagnosis, so it's all out-of-pocket. Granted, it's still a hell of a lot cheaper here. The camera procedure only cost me about $180. The full blood panel they did (also showing me perfectly healthy) cost me $30 and was done in a few hours.

Any time an American doctor needs days to get blood work back, it's all a scam. They could easily do it faster for cheaper. I have proof. I've experienced it.

For now, I'm not going to take any further steps. I'm just going to wait a little longer and do my best to "rerax" about it.

Te... To... Ni... Ko... Ku...

2008-03-03T21:42:00.004+09:00

You know that eye chart with the giant "E" at the top and then "F P" in the next row, "T O Z" in the next row, etc., where the letters get smaller as you go down? Well of course it makes sense, but I never would have thought about it until today: the Japanese chart is different! They don't have Western letters. Instead, they use Japanese characters that correspond to the sounds I put in the title of this posting. (I looked for a photo of one online I could post here, but I couldn't find it... only ones in Russian, Greek, and Chinese.)

I recently got something in my eye while riding the scooter. Since I've had my cold and been blowing my nose for a few days now, I must have rubbed that eye with a contaminated hand because I woke up today with "pink eye" in that eye. I went back to the doctor, but they referred me to an ophthalmologist because they "don't do eyes" at the regular doctor.

Anyway, I was ushered around the eye doctor's office from one waiting room to the next, and in one room, they do the eye air puff test and eye chart test all in the same room where everyone is waiting to see the doctor. I must have stared at that chart like it was the second coming of Christ, I was so transfixed...

It was mid-day, so it was me and a whole bunch of retired Japanese people. I did my regular fumbling through Japanese, listening for words I know when they talk to me, pantomiming my problems (me riding my scooter, something in my eye, catching a cold, rubbing my eye, waking up all crusty today). They gave me antibiotic drops and sent me home. The total visit without insurance, including the meds, was about $50. Not too shabby.

I just have to say that it's all a trip! These are the things we don't think about at home. And they don't think about them here either. They are just as surprised as I am when I've never seen a Japanese eye chart before! It's all they've ever known.

Another bit of good news: I came home to something in my mail box, that if I'm reading it correctly, looks like I'm getting some of my back pay in a few days!

Part of me thinks it's sad I should get so excited over a mere percentage of what is truly owed to me for the work I did 6 months ago. But another part of me knows that this exercise makes me appreciate every yen I get, no matter how delayed, so...

Whoo Hoo!

The Proof is in the Pudding

2008-02-28T21:10:00.002+09:00

While I was typing that posting, feeing good about the direction of my financial spiral, I received two new emails in my inbox. They were both from people who are interested in becoming students and want a trial lesson!

Case in point.

Financial Flow

2008-02-28T19:37:00.004+09:00

A few years ago, I learned that like everything else, money comes and goes in cycles. A healthy relationship with money is one where it is flowing in and out of your life. If you only have money going out, you are feeding others, but you will become bankrupt. If you only have money coming in (and aren't also spending it), you are neglecting other areas of your life, not to mention not feeding others' incomes. Blocking your outpour also blocks your input. No flow means no flow...in any direction.

Have you ever heard the phrase "You have to spend money to make money?" Well this doesn't only mean investing in something in particular. It also means, in a broader sense, investing in the system, expecting a payoff.

In the world we live in, we all rely on economic flow...for our jobs, for our entertainment, for our futures. It's a system we participate in whether we want to or not. For many years I didn't want to. Experiences growing up on the short end of the stick had left me hating the system. With that attitude toward it, no wonder it wasn't providing me with more than the bare minimum to survive (and sometimes less)! I kept looking for a way to get ahead, all the while stressing about how expensive everything was and how much I was spending.

If we stress about how much is going out, we are putting our focus (our energy) on the deficits, which will never make us happy in the long run. If we only focus on how much is coming in, we can become just as stressed, consumed with making more and fearing losing what we've amassed.

Like everything else, it requires balance. Balance requires awareness.

Sometimes you feel like you got ahead but then something comes along unexpectedly, costing more than you wanted to spend. Are you upset because that unexpected expense arrived, "taking" the money you'd finally built up...or are you grateful? (if you hadn't built it up, you'd be in the hole after that expense!)

Sometimes the opposite happens, and just when you're down as low as you think you can go, something comes along with a surprise payment or someone buys you a meal. Are you upset because you're so far in the hole that you needed a handout, or are you grateful that you were given a gift?

After these two situations, attitude is all that matters. Changing that attitude requires awareness.

I've done a lot of reading on this subject. Most modern authors say the same thing. Money follows energy and energy follows intention and focus. This can create a spiral in either direction, and it's up to our attitude and focus to influence that direction.

When people get rich, they often say the same thing: Once it started happening, they became so excited and grateful for it, and it kept coming in. They started spending more on themselves and others, and eventually their money was making money for them (investments, interest) without having to work for it. Upward spiral.

When people become poor, they also often say the same thing: Once one thing happened, they became so distraught that it's all they could think about, and like dominoes, everything started to crumble. They became tighter with their money and constantly stressed about how much they didn't have. Downward spiral.

The point here is to remember to be grateful for, focus on what we DO have. Remember how blessed we are (this doesn't just apply to money, but also friends, love, health, etc.) and pour your energy into THAT!

Now I know these are all broad generalizations. I'm not advocating spending your last few dollars in hopes that you will have some money come back in. Please make sure your basic needs are met first and foremost. I'm also not suggesting that you nonchalantly spend your money if you have a surplus. Spend it as carefully as if each moment, each dollar is an intentional purchase. Like I said, awareness is key. Awareness of your income, your expenditures, and most importantly, awareness of where you put your energy.

After awareness comes the gratitude. If you do only have a couple dollars left, be grateful that it's two. It could be worse.

I know it's difficult. Lord, do I know! In my world, it HAS been worse than two dollars more than once in my life. I've had to rely on friends and family to survive (all the while in debt) more times than I can count. I was refusing offers of help for so long, and when I had no choice but to accept, I became grateful for them. The more I told others of their generosity, the more offers I got. It grew exponentially.

I have to remind myself of this all the time, and while I sometimes have forgotten and fallen off the wagon, so to speak, I'm getting better at it with each go around.

Recently two experiences reminded me of the upward spiral.

I am working on getting more students so that I can save up money for going to SE Asia and heading back to the States. My income was getting me by, but it wasn't allowing me to save. I was complaining about how I couldn't seem to get more than 17 students a week. It had been 7 weeks of 17 students, and with each week, I said it more often: that I seemed to be stuck plateauing at 17. I was getting new students, but other students were canceling (from illness or being out of town) or going back to the old school now that it offered them a good deal.

When I became stressed about losing those students, I started losing more. My schedule was down to 13 for this week! Randy reminded me to keep my eye on the opportunities, and he was right. I began to feel grateful for all the new students as well as for all the students who hadn't left me and had stuck with me through me showing up late (a big no-no in Japan, and an old ongoing challenge for me) or canceling on them at the last minute for various reasons.

Lo and behold, all within two days, an old student called me with friends who wanted to start lessons. A couple of my group lessons split up, so instead of one lesson, they are now two, giving me additional income. Another student asked if she could come twice this week. I'm now back to 17. If all of these new students continue and the canceled students return, next week will break through the ceiling I had created for myself energetically.

Additionally, February is a short month, so I have less days to come up with rent, utilities, debt payments, etc. I was starting to get stressed about it and about having less students this week. My heater broke, and so it was working harder for less heat, costing me over $200 this month. Probably due to stress and the heater, I got sick and had to stay home from Aikido this week and had to go to the doctor.

I was complaining about this, stressing about it to Randy yesterday when I remembered how he had reminded me a week earlier to focus on the opportunities. I then told him instead about how one student had unexpectedly prepaid me for 10 lessons, and one or two more of them will do the same next week. It shifted my attitude about the outlook. I started being grateful for that windfall because it was going to pay my heating bill. Granted, the money was already spent, but it's better than scraping to come up with that money otherwise, right?

So I went to the doctor, and after finding out I have a cold, I asked about the stomach pains I had been experiencing. The doctor said we need to rule out an ulcer before researching more. I think the pain's not in my stomach, but I agree that we should rule out the simplest cause first, just in case it's that easy. Next week they're going to put a camera down my throat, into my stomach, and through my duodenum into the entrance of my small intestine. It's going to cost about $200.

I was wondering where the money was going to come from, feeling REALLY grateful for those students prepaying. I went to pay my rent to the landlord, and afterward, he handed me $200. What?!? Someone I referred to live in my building signed a lease, so I get a finder's fee. I wasn't expecting it, but I am so grateful, that's for sure! It will pay for my procedure next week...

One last thought: If my doctor's story has you worried about me, you missed the point of this posting. Worrying or stressing about me is not the direction I want to go in. Please join me in focusing on the healthy upward spiral of my healing. Picture me healthy and happy after finding a simple cause and solution.

Thanks!

Aiki D'oh!

2008-02-22T00:47:00.002+09:00

Well I've been thrown into the general class with every one else. I guess my initial "beginner" experience was too good to last. I don't feel as though I've had enough teaching along the lines of how to fall or roll. That was such a small part of my first lesson, and I don't feel prepared for being thrown the way I was last week. So now I'm relying on the gentleness and patience of my fellow practitioners. They've been friendly and helpful.

Then, as I was thrown to the mat the other day, my toenail caught on it and completely bent backwards. It didn't break, but rather was flipped inside out. I flipped it back and continued with the practice for the day, but damn did it hurt!

The next time I went to practice, we practiced a very active move with many throws. Today, my body is sore and reminding me that I'm using muscles I haven't used in a long time, if ever!

I used to be in touch with energy flow more regularly when I was doing bodywork. I feel like a volcano, starting to leak smoke, preparing for a more steady flow of energy. I'm glad to be "active" again.

Aikido

2008-02-08T23:31:00.001+09:00

Tonight, I got up the nerve to go in to an aikido dojo, hoping to watch and check it out, get some information about costs, requirements, will they teach me if I don't speak Japanese?

I was greeted at the door by someone who was a little late, and he turned out to be one of the head students. All the other students were running drills until he walked in, and then they all stopped and sat down in an orderly fashion. He directed another "black belt" to talk to me, and the process was explained to me. There is no teacher...only students. Some students have been studying for decades, and the longest practicing student is the president of the dojo. About half of them were advanced students, so there are many teachers, in another sense. As far as he described it, each student teaches each other student, and so as of tonight, I teach him as well. Even though I wasn't dressed to actually participate, he asked me if I just wanted to watch or learn something. I hesitated for a moment and decided to jump in.

His name is Masa, and he was funny and patient and used English only when he felt it was necessary. We practiced forward and backward rolls and the first 3 "waza," or moves. By the end, I could see how explaining it to me was also teaching him the particulars of the waza, and he would ask me words in English too, so he was definitely getting something out of it as well.

By the end, I was really enjoying it and learning a lot. In addition, many of the moves and the ways they are used to describing them are fundamentally Japanese. It required that I know some Japanese calligraphy because some of the moves are like making a large version of the shape in the air. Some of the moves are named after and related to culturally significant Japanese items, like the short curtains hanging in doorways or types of rice. If I hadn't lived here first, I would never had understood these concepts so easily or clearly.

I have my work cut out for me, but it is going to be a completely enriching experience, and I'm so grateful I actually came here and made it happen, no matter how long it took.

I'll let you know how it's going...

Eyes Straight Ahead, Please!

2008-01-18T21:24:00.000+09:00

I've decided - this year is going to be healing for many things. All that went wrong last year will straighten out this year.

Here's what's new with me:

I finally went back to the doctor for my cold that's been lasting over two months and got some more meds. I'm feeling spacey, so I'm going to have to call them tomorrow and change them. Due to the language barrier, they didn't bother to go through the possible side effects, and I just thought I was super tired all day until I realized that it was from the pills.

Besides that, I bought a used scooter a few days ago, which makes transportation so much easier and makes my city even smaller. That's good for getting to students as well as sightseeing.

I start a new Japanese lesson on Monday, which I'm happy to be getting back into as well.

And it snowed yesterday, all day. Huge flakes that looked more like old soap flakes than real snow. If felt like being on a movie set, except that it melted when it hit the ground.

I will hopefully be able to collect some unemployment money next week (at last).

My visa status was just changed from a work visa to a tourist, since the company went back on their word and didn't rehire me as promised. That gives me three months to live here hassle-free.

I also just found out that I should be getting some back wages for the unpaid months sometime near the end of April or beginning of May. that money will hopefully go toward paying bills in the U.S. so I can take the time to travel through South East Asia in July and August (which I'm really getting excited for as well).

So I just need to add a few more students to my workload and start aikido next month, and everything will be back on track.

I've been dealing with so much Japanese bureaucracy and various offices, it's ridiculous. It requires such effort to try and communicate with people in realms that have such specific specialized vocabulary I don't know in Japanese.

In the last two weeks, I've dealt with:

a doctor's office
a pharmacist
a scooter sales shop
the unemployment office
the Immigration office
the Labor Standards Bureau (to get back wages)

These each took a lot out of me, and made me realize how much we take for granted, being able to communicate in the States when something new arises.

One last thing:

My mom has breast cancer. They found it during a mammogram last year, so it was detected early enough that a tumor didn't even have time to form. After a partial mastectomy and radiation therapy, they feel confident that it will be eradicated. So I'm trying not to get too upset about it and just focus on a positive outcome.

Remember to get your regular mammograms, ladies! It could just save your life one day...

Here it Comes!

2007-12-29T07:03:00.000+09:00

When I got the news from that two-faced company, I was really angry. In the past I was worried, nervous, scared, frustrated, and exhausted. But this time I was just pissed.

So I've decided to let them go, and I took matters into my own hands.

I went and signed up for unemployment yesterday. It will help out for up to three months. I have to show I'm looking for a job in that time, but in addition to my privates that should support me being here.

Then we went to Immigration (Randy went with me). They told me that since it's expiring and I don't have another job, I could only apply for a change of status. I'm basically being changed into a tourist and will have 90 days under that visa.

I'm not supposed to work under that visa, but due to extraneous circumstances, they are hopefully giving me an allowance of part-time work (up to 28 hours a week). I have to apply for that special permission once I get the tourist visa squared away. They are unusually sympathetic because the NOVA problem is famous nationwide. Without the work permission, I can't collect the unemployment.

At the end of the three months, I have to either have found a job or I need to leave the country (like take a day trip to South Korea) and return to get the tourist visa renewed for another 90 days. All I'll really need at that time is 2 and a half months. The second time, they won't let me work legally, but by then, the unemployment benefits will have run out anyway, so I don't really care if I have that permission or not.

And Randy is determined to get me to start aikido this January. He's going to make sure I have the start-up money and was encourage/trying to push me to visit the dojo yesterday, which was great and very supportive of him (but I was exhausted after going through two Japanese bureaucracies and trying to speak to them in Japanese, no less). he's been great through all of this, even taking a day away from his vacation here to make sure these things were taken care of.

AND, I got a call from the tourist office in Kyoto Station, and they have found me a Japanese teacher for only 500 yen (less than $5) a lesson for private lessons!

I think 2008 is going to be WAY better than 2007. Wanna join me in creating that one?

In 2008, I'm also going to have more visitors here from the States, see my sister get married, study massage in Thailand, tour around SouthEast Asia a little bit (and see some old friends along the way), return to the U.S., and meet some of my friends' kids who were born in the last year or so (I've counted 4 so far).

All in all, I have a good attitude. 2008 Rocks!

Deck the Halls

2007-12-22T16:09:00.000+09:00

Well I just got an e-mail from the company that took over for my old English school. They were chosen as the new sponsor for the company because they promised to rehire all old employees who wanted work. They had offered to hire me on January 10th and renew my work visa (just in the nick of time...it expires on Jan. 24th).

They were writing today to inform me that due to business restrictions, they will not be able to hire me as many teachers as promised, including me. This is the fifth time they have gone back on their word. I honestly don't want to work for them anyway, in that case.

And I thought the last few months were stressful... NOW I'm stressed! I don't know if I will be able to stay in Japan for more than the next 30 days or so. This is so frustrating and exhausting.

Merry Christmas, eh?

Emergence

2007-12-16T01:25:00.000+09:00

Well, I did it. I went to a Japanese pot luck dinner party. I was really nervous, and the one person who really spoke English wasn't even there when I got there. She was still at work. So I listened a lot. I nodded a lot. I ate a few things, and something made me sick to my stomach. But like a good Japanese boy, I smiled and sat there like nothing was wrong.

Eventually, some of them were brave enough to talk in the little English they learned in High school and Junior high. There were about 20 people there, and 3 of them talked to me. After my stomach started feeling better (the host gave me these two black pill things that smelled nasty but worked like magic), I eventually had some of the wine I brought, loosened up a little, and spoke some really bad broken Japanese. They were very kind and forgiving of my efforts. We talked a little about movies. I made fun of myself and my bad Japanese. It inspired me to learn more. It reminded me that I don't ever want to stop learning languages.

There are three things that really make me happy when I'm feeling down:
1) Going Dancing.
2) Traveling.
3) Speaking in foreign languages with someone. Anyone.

These three things make me feel better about myself and my place in the world.

That being said, I went to the Tourist Information office today to pick up the visitor's guide for December/January for Randy's visit. It's extremely helpful in figuring out what to do, see, and buy when you're here.

When I got to the front desk of the office, they mistakenly asked me if I was there to sign up for the Japanese lessons. So I asked about them, and apparently, they are only 500 yen a lesson (plus the 380 yen it will take me to get to Kyoto Station and back). That's only about $7.50 a lesson! They will assign me a personal teacher for private lessons once a week, starting sometime in January. I wish I'd known about this earlier, but hey, whatever. At least I can take advantage of it now.

This was on my way back from my job interview, which was horrendous. They had me pretend that the three adults interviewing me were Japanese 4- and 5-year-olds and teach a sample lesson on the spot with no warning. I'm getting really tired of the "on the spot" thing that's happened at far too many Japanese interviews. They told me they will inform me if I got the job or not early this week. It's to teach for 3 and a half hours on Saturday mornings to preschoolers. I'll earn 20,000 yen a Saturday, which is REALLY good for that amount of time.

One last thing I was thinking about was riding my bike home in the cold tonight across the bridge with a beautiful view: I feel sad that I don't have Randy here to share this with. The party. the view. the daily bike rides. the new foods I'm given as gifts. the warmth of my students. And even when he's here, he won't get to see some of these things like the inside of this amazing house I was in for the dinner party tonight. Ironically, I came here alone because I planned on and asked to have this experience on my own. But that was before I'd met Randy. I guess some of these things are just for me to take in and remember on my own.

I think I'm just feeling lonely lately.

And as I listened to my iPod, I realized that there was something else I don't share: music. I don't have anyone in my life I can share my passion for it with. Movies are a passion, and I love the conversations I have with Randy and a few other friends about movies, directors, actors, upcoming projects. But I have nobody to do that with for music. I did it a lot in college, and then to some degree with Todd. But there's been nobody since then. It's been a long time. I haven't met anyone with a passion for it, for the history, and the evolutionary process of music's progression through time. I really feel alone in that world. I can find people to share the current pop music discussions with, but nobody who enjoys the depth of where today's music stems from. It makes me feel a little sad and makes me realize a part of myself that's going unnourished.

I'm thinking about these things because I'm starting to come out of my depression. I'm emerging from the cocoon. And with it (as usual, based on past experiences) come many realizations about what I need in life, what's gratefully fulfilling for me, what's no longer useful, what's inspirational, what feeds me, what's missing, what's excessive, and what my role is or what I want it to be in the world and people's lives around me.

This is a big deal here tonight. I know it's a lot to digest at once. I'm most definitely a hyper-dynamic guy on a crazy ride. It goes pretty hard and fast and doesn't seem to stop... only slow down every now and then. Sometimes it's all I can do to steer it! I'm looking forward to sharing some of the steering with Randy too.

Fasten your seat belts everyone. Here comes the next turn!

Please keep your arms, hands, and head inside the car at all times...

...and a partridge in a pear tree

2007-12-13T23:28:00.001+09:00

Well, I know my last posting was over a month ago. And I know it was full of hope. Unfortunately, things didn't go in the direction they seemed they were headed. The company didn't release us. Instead they offered us some money to stay in waiting for when a school opened near us. However, when it came time to pay us, it was delayed.

And then the amount was lowered.
And then it was delayed again.
And then lowered again.
And then delayed again.

In the meantime, my health insurance (offered through the old company) expired. And as if it knew something was up, my body got sick. I caught a cold which turned into bronchitis, and while I was still struggling with that, I caught the flu. I was down and out, in serious pain, unable to leave my apartment for days. Luckily my landlord took me into his office and handed me a plethora of things to help me out, all the way from Western medicine (Bayer for my fever) to Eastern medicine (in powder form for my belly ache) to some Japanese home remedies (eat sour foods to kill viruses).

Anyway, none of that is the reason for this posting.

Actually, I'm really sick of complaining about my existence here.

Things are improving:

1) Randy is coming to visit for two weeks. We are going to see other parts of Japan, which suits me just fine after being confined to my apartment for a good part of the last couple months. We will be in Fukuoka for two days, spend Christmas dinner in Osaka with some friends, go to Tokyo for three days for New Years, and then to see the black castle in Matsumoto, followed by a night's stay in a traditional Japanese Inn near hot springs where the Nagano monkeys are often found soaking. Mostly, I'm just glad to see him and spend the holidays with him.

2) I did finally get some money from the company. It's a lot less than they promised initially, and it's a lot later than they said it would be coming, but it did finally come (I was starting to wonder if they were ever going to keep their word on anything)! It basically went to paying rent and utilities for December (which were already late...I almost got my phone cut off!) and January rent and then paid for a massage today that I desperately needed.

3) I had two great visits: one from my dear long-time friend Megan from my L.A., university, and S.F. days, and one from a friend-of-a-friend-who-became-my-friend, Brooke. It was good to get perspectives from other people whose opinions I respect, and I'm sure I talked their ears off, being around native English speakers for the first consistent time periods in a while! Plus, they are both living inspiring lives, which I needed to see. It also helped me see new parts of this city, as well as other nearby places, and it renewed my interest in being here and learning about this culture. I've even picked up my Japanese language books again.

4) My private students are increasing in number. They are telling friends, and I'm getting closer to my goal. Right now, I'm teaching 15 lessons a week, up from the 6 I had two months ago. I'm getting one to three new students a week. My goal is to teach 30 a week, which will earn me more than I was making at that company.

5) My students and Japanese people in general are so incredibly generous! In the past three weeks, I have been given 3 different bags of oranges, some plum wine, a bag of persimmons, a box of almond chocolates, some brandy cakes, a good luck charm to bring me money (modeled after a Japanese chess piece), a bag of loose leaf green tea, a cell phone charm, a Disney pen, and a padded winter Japanese house coat with traditional cloth on the outside (valued at about $70 or so). Talk about the 12 days of Christmas! And that's not to mention all the food and tea they have bought me during our lessons in cafes.

On top of that, I advertised on a bulletin board, which brought me Kotaro, a university photography student who is profiling teachers who got screwed by my company. He is paying me about $45 a session to photograph me and have me work on an exhibition with him. Tonight, he bought me dinner and drinks in addition to the fee, just so that I could write out messages for the exhibition. The messages were my simple answers to his questions like "What have you had to give up, working for that company?", "Why did you choose to stay here even when most other teachers went back to their home countries?", and "What would you say to the president of the company if you met him?" I got paid for doing that!

Point being, I have always had a hard time accepting help or "hand-outs" from others when I'm down. It has made me feel inadequate in my own ability to take care of myself. Well, the Universe isn't letting me do that this time. I'm living in a giving culture that gets upset and feels offended if you turn it down.

SO I guess things are looking up. Once I get my work visa renewed in January, I will be back on track. I will be able to pick my Japanese back up, pick up aikido (at last!), and return to soaking up a new culture during the last third of my stay here.

I don't think I will even be able to comprehend how this has affected me until it's all over. It's been some ride, I gotta say!

Now THAT's what I'm talking about!

2007-11-09T21:55:00.000+09:00

I know I have many posts to get caught up on here. And at this point, I am finally looking forward to it. They will be coming in slowly throughout the next week. Tomorrow, the company is finally releasing us, and I will be able to apply for unemployment insurance, which will hopefully be enough and in time to pay rent.

Today was a beautiful day for me. I got up, talked to Randy, sent emails, and then went to work. I taught two private lessons and then was picked up to go to another small English school for the first time. It is run out of someone's home.

I taught three lessons there, where I was greeted by 3 elementary school girls in the first lesson, 6 fifth graders in the second, and 4 junior high school kids in the third. They were all so inquisitive and cute and shy and smart. They had each prepared a small information sheet with their photos and decorated with their interests. I really enjoyed the experience. After the kids left, an adult student showed up and we had a nice dinner, where they introduced me to many different Japanese foods I hadn't tried before. The woman who runs the school and the student then each took turns telling stories in English to practice. After a tea ceremony, I was given a tour of a traditional home as well as their Buddhist shrine. Then I was given a bag of oranges and driven home.

This was a great experience for me. I got to see a slice of traditional life, interact with Japanese people from the ages of 8 to 70, participate in a cultural exchange, learn a few new Japanese words, try new foods and learn about their origins/cultural significance, and was then given a parting gift. The funny thing is that I felt I should have paid something for this experience, and instead, I was paid 10,000 yen (approx. $85-90).

I realized that I am not done with my time in this wacky, beautiful country. I have a lot more to learn and contribute here. I feel recommitted and will do what it takes to be here until next summer.

Thank you to each of you who reached out to me after reading the last posting. I really appreciated it and am glad to say that I'm coming out the other side.

under construction

2007-10-11T00:13:00.000+09:00

By that, I mean me, not the blog. I've been away from here for so long. A lot has happened and continues to happen.

My friend Isa came to visit for a few days, and it was good to see her. Randy's roommate and my friend, Shoichi, came to visit for a couple weeks during my birthday. We went to Tokyo Disneyland and Disney Sea. We went out dancing for my birthday.

Then things got sticky.

I have not responded to any birthday messages. I have felt very isolated and continued to add to it by not reaching out. I began to sink into a depression and state of anxiety. My future both here in Japan and what I would come home to do are both up in the air. I stopped going to Japanese classes 2 months ago. I've been here almost 9 months and due to scheduling issues with work, I haven't even started aikido yet, which really got me down. Here's what happened:

My work paid me a few days late. Then they paid other instructors a few weeks late. Then they stopped paying rent on some of their branches, including mine. Some people got evicted from their apartments because they were leased by the company. Luckily I moved out of company housing and got my own place last April.

Then my bike broke down, my computer is in the shop, and the root canal I got in August needs to be redone, probably with a whole new crown. So many expenses in a time of uncertainty.

Anyway, every day I hear new information, and most of it is stressful, like talks of bankruptcy for the company. Lay offs. Branch closures. Work visa renewals denied. I've had panic attacks, restless nights of nighmares, and have had trouble eating and focusing. I've even flaked out by completely forgetting about appointments I had, which isn't like me at all. The students, my coworkers, and most people around me are balls of stress and worry, so I'm swimming in it.

The main thing I'm concerned about is getting my work visa renewed before the end of January.

I started looking for other jobs, but so many other teachers have quit that they're flooding the market right now. Then I realized that I would make more money for less hours by going out on my own and just teaching private students. If our branch closes, there will be a lot of students who need teachers. How ethical is it to hand out business cards while at a job? I've always steered clear of this, even when working at spas and having the clients ask for it. I've maintained my integrity. But then this company hasn't maintained theirs with me. How ethical is it if the company isn't even paying me anyway?

So tomorrow I'm going down to the unemployment office to file my first "late payment" complaint. After two late payments from my company, I am eligible for unemployment checks as long as I show I'm looking for work.

I will see on Monday (which is payday) if I get that second late one in a row or if I stay with the company. WIll I stay with them even if they don't pay me? Perhaps, if it means getting my visa renewed. Then I will definitely feel ok handing out cards.

SO here's what I want to happen. Please add your energy and powers of manifestation to this for me: I get paid on time this month (next Monday), but the branch closes at the end of the month. I hand out cards, knowing they are closing, and I get a lot of new private students. I can easily afford a new scooter to get around here much more easily, including to my private student appointments and job and aikido. The company transfers me to another branch convenient to my house. The schedule they give me there is the same as the one I was going to start in November, which was going to allow me to start aikido. I work there just until they renew my visa. Then I break out on my own and make more money than ever before here, working less hours, and doing what I intended on doing here all along: paying off debt; traveling within Japan and next summer to Thailand/Vietnam; learning Japanese; and practicing AIKIDO!

Please say a little prayer or meditation for me, picturing it all going down smoothly.

I will be back here with photos and good news, okay?

okay?

until then...

Wedding trip to the U.S.

2007-09-01T03:30:00.000+09:00

Well I'm back from my brother's wedding in the States. I didn't want to go, but once I got there, I didn't want to come back. I have mixed feelings about Japan. I have mixed feelings about the U.S. I'm not sure where I belong right now.

It was a whirlwind tour. I had a really long plane ride. About 30 minutes into it, my heart started racing, everything went black, and I passed out for about 10 seconds, according to the man next to me. The flight attendant hooked me up to oxygen for an hour and wouldn't let me sleep so that they could keep an eye on me. I was disoriented, and I confused reality with dreams for a good three hours. This was NOT a good start to the weekend. Throughout the weekend, I had spells of light-headedness and a racing heart, but only temporarily. I ended up with a fever and a bad cold, so maybe they were just symptoms of getting sick. I didn't want to bother people with it at the wedding so I didn't tell many people. No problems since then, but I'll probably find a doctor here to get checked out.

I landed in SF for a brief running around for a few supplies and a quick lunch with a few people and then I was back on a plane toward Denver. I met up with Randy there, and we flew together to Sioux Falls, South Dakota. About 30 hours after I'd left my house in Kyoto, I had seen San Francisco and then was in the middle of the U.S. at a hotel with Randy. Talk about surreal!

It was great to see the vast majority of my extended family. I'm one of 5 kids, my mom is one of 6, and many of them brought their spouses, kids, and even their kids! I had a great time seeing them and catching up. Here is all of our immediate and some extended family on my dad's side (I'm on the far left):

It was difficult to get my perspective across that I like Japan and love living abroad, but I don't necessarily love Japan in and of itself. I think to some people it came across that I love it here and to others that I'm disappointed (mostly because I'm not doing aikido). They are both right.

Anyway, the wedding was very nice. I was one of the groomsmen, so I had to get fitted for a tuxedo, take part in the photo shoot, and sit at a big table in front of the reception. This meant I was apart from Randy for most of the festivities. Luckily, my brother Matt's girlfriend was in the same boat, so they hung out together a lot. Here's Randy and his "date," Chris:

At the reception, I gave a short impromptu speech about wishing my brother was a girl when he was born, and how he brought a sister into my life after all through marrying Lisa. It was quick and on the spot, and I may have accidentally upset my actual sister in the process by maybe implying I didn't already have one! Grrrr... Not what I meant at all. I love my sister to death. That's what you get when you're trying to be witty while having dizzy spells!

Here are the siblings who didn't get married (starting from the left...Andrew, Amber, me, and Matt):

The day after the wedding, I got the chance to get to know my new sister-in-law a little bit. She is beautiful, has a good heart, and they have a lot in common. She seems to be the right match for my brother. I think they have a solid relationship, from what I could tell, and I know he is happier than I've seen him in a while. Here they are, the happy bride and groom, Lisa and Nick:

In the morning, we went to see the actual Sioux Falls and then went for a BBQ lunch. That afternoon we watched them open a few wedding gifts (Randy & I gave them a kimono for her and a samurai sword set for him...it's what they asked for but didn't think I'd actually bring from Japan...surprise!).

Later that evening, some of us went to eat Mexican food (my first time since I left the States 7 months ago...it was great!) and then my parents took Randy & I to a drive-in movie theater in Minnesota to see Hairspray and the Simpsons Movie in a double feature. That was a nice treat. Plus, I finally made it to Minnesota and have now been to all 50 states!

Randy & I had very little alone time on this trip, and on the way back to Japan, he went through Denver to San Francisco with me. It wasn't enough. I miss him. I miss my family more than I realized. I miss San Francisco a little bit too.

But it's back to the grind. I've already had two days of work, and it feels like I never left.

My good friend, fire dancing teacher, and massage client (among other roles), Isa is coming to visit tomorrow for a few days, so I need to get some rest now.

For all the South Dakota photos, you can click HERE. You can click on any of the photos on that page or above to see larger versions or right-click to save them.

"Home"coming

2007-08-22T21:50:00.000+09:00

I leave in a little over 12 hours to go back to the U.S. for my brother's wedding. I'm having mixed feelings about it. I don't really want to leave Japan right now. I'm having some anxiety over it, in fact. I don't feel ready to face the States yet.

I haven't accomplished much of what I wanted to do here, and so I don't want to face the questions I'm going to get (repeatedly) about what I'm doing with my time like "how is aikido going?" (I haven't even started yet.) Also, Randy and I haven't figured out when exactly I'm coming back, so I don't have an answer for that one yet either. Or where we'll be living. Or what I'll be doing for work. Or anything, really. I am just now starting to come to terms with those things myself (I can feel myself getting over a hump recently, coming to grips with the reality of my life here) but do not feel solid enough in my convictions to sound convincing when discussing them with curious inquisitors.

And to be completely honest, I miss a some people in the U.S., but I do NOT miss the U.S. in and of itself right now. That's going to be a tough one to explain.

And I'm not even heading to L.A. or S.F...I'm going to the wedding in South Dakota.

It will be good to see some friends and family...and Randy, of course.

I am just not in the mood to answer any questions about Japanese culture or food or language or "say something in Japanese," to which I will most likely answer the same thing every time: "Sukoshi nihongo o hanasu koto ga dekimasu, demo joozu jaa arimasen." If you don't know what that means, then feel free to think it's impressive.

I'm also not in the mood to come out to many of my relatives who've never seen me with a boyfriend or don't even know I'm bisexual. I'd rather feel completely comfortable with being physically affectionate with Randy.

I'll let you know how it goes. Wish me luck. I'll be back with photos in less than a week.

Lost 'n Found

2007-08-19T21:06:00.000+09:00

Sometimes, Japanese people seem to be spaced out and unaware. When walking around, many seem to have no sense that there are other people in the world. I have seen people step off of elevators or escalators and then just stand there, apparently oblivious that other people need to get off right behind them. Some will step onto a train and stop just inside the door rather then move in, even though they know others are following right behind. They will be walking in a crowded area and then just stop suddenly and seem surprised and irritated that someone behind them bumped into them.

For some reason though, when it comes to tasks, they are meticulously attentive to details. This is why the streets are clean and customer service is usually very high.

My bicycle key is very small (about the size of an American Quarter), and I usually just stick it in my pocket once I've locked my bike for the day. Yesterday, I reached for it to discover that it had gone missing. I looked everywhere in that area, but I knew full well that I had ridden the train between when I put it in my pocket and when I looked for it later on.

Today, I went to the train station near my work and asked about it at the service area in the best Japanese I could muster. To my surprise, they whipped out a giant binder full of listings for each day of the last month. Each page listed every earring, scrap of paper, or button that had been left on any of the trains or in any of the stations, what time they are found, and where they can now be located. They actually print out this document every day and publish it in every station within a 50-mile radius!

They asked me the approximate time it went missing, where I was I heading, and did it have any identifying characteristics. It turns out that my tiny key (with no key chain) was found on the train I took to work, as it continued on to Osaka. I'm picking up my key tomorrow evening.

I tend to pay attention to details, and even I thought that binder was a little OCD for my taste. That being said, I'm grateful someone is paying attention out there!

Obon is heating up

2007-08-14T23:32:00.000+09:00

I must be crazy. Today was 97 degrees with a humidity of 87% and here I was riding my bicycle to work. What's wrong with me? I could have had a heat stroke. I arrived all wet and panting, and it took over two hours to rehydrate.

Most Japanese people are off of work and school this week because the heat is too much for them. They return to their hometowns and pay homage to their ancestors by tending to grave sites. Then move quickly back into the air conditioning. This ritual and time period is referred to as Obon.

Ironically, while my job doesn't give us time off, I've been working six-day weeks for the most of the last two months so that I can go to my brother's wedding in the States. I'm having my own personal return to see the family (even if it's not in my hometown...most of the extended family will be there and will be meeting Randy for the first time). I guess I get Obon after all!

Now, I'm just praying that the heat will have subsided significantly by the time I return. Please?!?

Climbing Fuji-san

2007-08-08T22:51:00.000+09:00

Well, I did it! Climbing Mount Fuji was challenging and rewarding all at once (those two things often seem to go together).

After a 7-hour bus ride, 9 of us from NOVA arrived at the 5th Station (out of 9) and had a small meal before beginning the climb at around 6:00pm. We made pretty good time, arriving at the 8th station in only about four hours. It got dark quickly, but we had flashlights or headlamps, and the cool weather kept us from sweating to death. It began as a gentle slope, but it quickly became more necessary to use the climbing sticks we bought. Between the 7th and 8th Stations, we even needed to crawl over rocks with our hands at times.

We had to stop every hour or so to drink water or sports drinks and eat a little something to prevent altitude sickness. At various points, my breathing became labored, and I felt a little lightheaded or dizzy for a few moments. A few puffs on my canned oxygen or a short rest usually took care of that. It was generally caused by climbing too high too fast, and short breaks were essential. In fact, they have most climbers stop at the 8th Station for a couple hours to help them adjust. It's sort of like not ascending too quickly when SCUBA diving because you can get "the bends" from changing air pressure too quickly.

So we took a "small sleep" packed in to loft-type bedding in rows of about 20 people, had a tiny breakfast of sticky rice, and made the painstaking 3-hour climb to the 9th Station at the summit. It was steeper than the rest, and the wind was getting really chilly, but the most challenging part was that there were SO many people climbing that we could only take a few steps and then had to stop, often balancing across two rocks, until we could move forward a few more steps.

We arrived at the top just in time to see dawn break, and the sunset was beautiful.

I think the most beautiful part wasn't the sun, but rather that we could see lower mountaintops peeking through the clouds below us.

We couldn't stay long because of the cold, and we soon headed down the mountain, which I think was more difficult than the climb. While going up was more challenging because of the altitude and required endurance, the descent was more of a workout.

The path down was full of lava rocks and gravel that you would slip on every few steps. I found it easier to actually run down the slope, digging my heels in to the gravel to prevent sliding. The whole trip down only took about three hours or so, and we were exhausted.

Our bus dropped us off at an "onsen" or Japanese spa, where we took advantage of a hot tub and massage chairs. Then as we continued home, the bus overheated twice, and we had to wait a total of three hours on the side of the road before finally heading home.

Overall, I was grateful for the experience. I got to use my Japanese with people on the bus, our tour guide, and the climbing guide. I was able to get away from my job and the city for awhile. I had time to think about my priorities and potential future plans. I got to spend some time with friends and get to know a few new people as well.

It was difficult at times to continue to the top, and two people in our group didn't actually make it all the way up. I think it's great that they were in touch with their temporary limitations and honored their body's needs. I have no doubt that under different circumstances they could both make it all the way to the summit. Maybe next time?

Well, while it was great to do once, I don't think I'll be doing that again anytime soon!

As usual, you can see the rest of the photos HERE, double-click to see larger versions, and right-click to save them.

The Elements

2007-08-05T19:34:00.000+09:00

Growing up, I had bad allergies and a few bad sunburns that resulted in my parents and doctors telling me I shouldn't be outside without long sleeves, pants, a hat, sunglasses and plenty of high octane sunscreen. This led me to really not want to be outside at all. I missed out on a lot of activities that other kids could participate in.

As an adult, I relaxed my attitude about it and decided to reconnect to nature. I would do one thing with each of the four elements, challenging myself at the same time:

for Water, I went SCUBA diving with reef sharks circling around me in the Bahamas.

for Air, I went hang gliding off of a mountain just north of San Francisco.

for Fire, I performed on stage as a fire dancer in Union Square.

Well, tomorrow I leave bright and early to face my Earth challenge: I'm climbing Mount Fuji. Standing at 12,388 ft (3,776 meters) high, it's the tallest mountain in Japan and is actually a dormant volcano. I hear it's very difficult for many, and I need to bring clothes for the heat and humidity at the bottom, rain on the way up, and freezing temperatures and low air pressure at the top. I will be gone two full days for the trip to the base, the climb up to see the sunset and then the descent and trip back home.

Wish me luck (and stay tuned for photos)!

big bang fizzle

2007-08-04T22:50:00.000+09:00

Today was the most frustrating I've had yet in Japan. After a day and a half of idiotic training (they actually had me repeating after them as if I was 5 years old and THEN, having them repeat after me the same exact phrase in the same exact way...it prepared me so well to teach that phrase and nothing else), I was thrown into my branch today with no guidance. My manager and trainer and district manager are all on vacation.

NOVA is great at giving you kindergarten tools before putting you into 4th or even 7th grade.

The only person working was a jaded, crotchety guy who only spoke the truth about half the time he was talking. He thought it was funny. I though it was less then helpful. I asked him to give me one week of truth and then he could pull my leg all he wanted. He acquiesced.

At least it's not the branch I was training at where they were telling "fag" jokes both days.

So in addition to having less time to take notes on the previous class and then prepare the next one, the lessons are different and I have an extra "activities" section to fit in between the "listening" stage and the "applications" stage. I got better as the day went on.

I'm also not allowed to teach outside of the given book, which is less creative than the MM Center. That is, except in the Voice Room, where we can talk about anything under the sun, if all students can relate.

Overall it is better to have the students in front of me, I must say. I know once I get the hang of it, I will be happier. It's hard knowing I'm in this position, getting less money, when I was a short time away from being promoted at the MM Center (from what my floor supervisor told me).

So tonight I was invited to go see the big fireworks show over the river between Juso and Osaka. I rushed home (it took 3o minutes longer than it took me to get there this morning), changed clothes and rushed out to meet friends from Osaka. I rode my bike and caught the train for the hour-long trip there.

I sent them texts saying I was on my way.
I sent them texts saying I was almost there.
I sent them texts saying I was there.
I waited for over 30 minutes.
I tried calling and there was no answer.

I eventually made my own way to the waterfront just in time to see between 5 and 10 of the last minutes of the hour-long show.

Then I had to take the hour-long trip home.

I never saw anyone I knew. I only got about 8 minutes of obscured fireworks. I really need and deserve a night out, and every time I've tried for the last 5 months, it's been foiled. I'm in desperate need and feel like crying. I'm so overdue for anything fun, I don't know what else to say. I feel so pushed down and teased and dragged around right now, and all I have to show for it is that I'm farther away from my friends in Japan then ever before, craving to be embraced in a culture where touching is taboo.

So I'm sitting at home realizing that was my last frolicking time until about five weeks from now when HOPEFULLY I can do something fun for my birthday.

It had better happen, or I'm going to explode.

And I doubt that would be as exciting or beautiful as fireworks!

Where's a Sledgehammer when you need one?

2007-08-01T09:12:00.000+09:00

After a day of rough financial news yesterday (my root canal is going to potentially cost me $600 I don't currently have for something like that) and knowing I am starting a new job tomorrow, I was excited at the prospect of getting a full night's sleep. I had the potential of up to eight hours before getting up for my skype appointment with Randy.

I had some nightmares but was able to go back to sleep with a slightly cooler day for once. (it's only 79 degrees Fahrenheit so far this morning and only forecasted to be 91 today...whoo hoo!)

After only 6 & 1/2 hours, I was woken up by someone else's alarm clock.

Beeep
Beeep
Beeep
Bedebedebedebedebedebedebedebedebede

Beeep
Beeep
Beeep
Bedebedebedebedebedebedebedebedebede

Then they turned it off. But I knew it was too good to be true. This happened a couple weeks ago too. In about 5 minutes, it started again:

Beeep
Beeep
Beeep
Bedebedebedebedebedebedebedebedebede

This is when I got frustrated. I got on clothes and went up three flights of stairs, listening for the sound, knocked on their door and ran away. I didn't want to have to confront them directly. What would I say? Most likely, they are Japanese, and I have no idea what words to use for "alarm", "noise", "turn off", or "I'm trying to get a full night's sleep you inconsiderate jerk."

I wasn't awake enough to sift through my dictionary either. English is hard enough for me when I first wake up, let alone Japanese!

They know their alarm is disturbing to others. Why? Because this isn't the first time I've had to go knock on their door. This really set me off today, and here I am with less sleep than I wanted (it was supposed to be my catch-up day and get ready for tomorrow since I only have 8 hours from the moment I get home tonight from my last shift in Osaka until I have to LEAVE in the morning for my first training shift in downtown Kyoto...farther away than my actual branch)

Okay, I just needed to vent my frustration.

Both days I knocked on the door, they turned the alarm off...I thought. The alarm is going off again. I'm going back up there.

Progress

2007-07-29T13:16:00.000+09:00

Earlier this week, I received some bittersweet news: I'm being transferred to a branch in Katsura, just on the outskirts of Kyoto!

They told me it was solid for September 1st but that they desperately needed someone at that branch ASAP, and would I be willing to go August 1st instead? I told them I already had plans to climb Mount Fuji on the 6th & 7th and that I have already worked most of the extra days I needed to get time off for my brother's wedding in the States. I need almost a whole week off in August for the wedding. If they were willing to do that, I was in.

They got back to me right away the next day and said they'd work with me, so I'm starting training there four days from now!

Pros:

commute time is now 35 minutes each way instead of 95 minutes, giving me 10 more hours of time a week
no more sitting in front of the computer with my eyes bugging out all night
no more night shifts (they are only open 10am to 9pm), so my sleeping and eating habits can resume some normalcy
I will be live in front of students who live in my area
I will be interacting with more Japanese staff at my location

Cons:

I earn less money, so much of my free time will have to be with private students to make up the difference
the schedule they gave me means I have to move or cancel ALL of my existing private students
the schedule they gave me has me working Wednesday and Friday nights as well as Saturday mornings. Guess when aikido classes are...
it all happened so fast, without the opportunity to mentally prepare myself for the fact that I WILL MISS THE FRIENDS I MADE AT THE MULTIMEDIA CENTER AND THE TIME WE SPENT TOGETHER THERE!! Thank you all for making an otherwise miserable experience not only tolerable, but enjoyable and rewarding.

By the way, Happy 6-monthiversary in Japan, folks! I'm one step closer to how I wanted my life here to be. I can feel the upswing, and I'm loving the breeze.

Staying Present

2007-07-29T12:48:00.000+09:00

Randy & I had a rough week. We spent a lot of time talking and thinking about our future. It was provoked by the realization that if I am serious about going to medical school to become a D.O. (Doctor of Osteopathy), which I am really feeling drawn to do, that I have a long road ahead of me. And I'm turning 35 in less than 2 months. This made me want to get going on that path sooner rather than later. If I pursue that, I will have to go back to about two years of undergrad to get some pre-med credits first.

We have discussed living together in another city like New York or perhaps on Maui for a year or so. We have discussed potentially having kids at some point. He wants us to have time to cultivate our relationship while living together before making any big decisions, which I can understand and agree would be good for us. I also feel like I want to get this med school process started soon after returning to the States, which would mean making some decisions before I return. Otherwise the application process lag time will delay everything. He wants us to have time together living in California (SF or LA or a combination of the two) for some months before we decide to go somewhere. I don't want to settle down there and try to rebuild a clientele or start a school program that I would be walking away from less than a year later.

In order to satisfy his need for time together without any major transition, and in order to satisfy my need to even start studying before fall of 2009, it occurred to me that I may need to leave Japan sooner than later. Right now, that feels like something I would regret later, and I tend to not do things I know I may regret.

In addition, he really wanted to go to Burning Man together next year, as did I. I really wanted to go to Thailand before returning from Japan in order to get additional massage training I would need in New York or Hawai'i anyway and would boost my interest in massage. He really wanted to join me there for part of the time. These things are coinciding with one another and are seemingly mutually exclusive both chronologically and financially.

Point being, I was getting caught up in the future and not truly living in the present. When I step back, I realize that New York, Hawai'i, Thailand, Burning Man, medical school, kids, and most of all, sharing it all with someone I love is all a beautiful bonus in my life. Poor me, having to choose between such wonderful opportunities.

Today, I am here. We will sort it all out in due time.

Canni-buri-ism

2007-07-29T12:40:00.000+09:00

**WARNING** This next posting is not for the weak of stomach!!

Just before leaving my house last night, I saw a large gokiburi (a roach...see earlier posting entitled Gokiburi Showdown). I threw my shoe at it and wounded it. Moving closer, I smacked it hard with the heel of my shoe and then put the shoe on and left the house, running almost late for work. I figured it would be there to be cleaned up when I got home.

Today, I arrived back in my apartment, and it looked different. Upon closer inspection, I realized the the antennae and wings and a couple legs had been removed.

Upon CLOSER inspection, I realized that the body and head had been eaten by other roaches, leaving only the hard shell behind!

I have been so careful not to leave any food out, so as to not encourage their existence here. Little did I know that the carcass of my victim would become dinner for others.

I killed one and it just helped others to live longer. Is there an end to this war?!?

My Collon

2007-07-28T14:07:00.000+09:00

It's been brought to my attention that I haven't really been sharing my daily experience, and really only talking about the major events, both in my life and in Japan. Well I didn't really think that many of you would be interested to hear me gripe repeatedly about how long my commute is. Or how little time I have to myself. Or the fact that it's so hot here that my saran wrap isn't just stuck together, it has actually MELTED into one blob, and the top of the refrigerator has to be cleaned repeatedly to prevent mold from growing out of the condensation collecting there due to the disparity in temperature between the air and the fridge itself.

But as my friend Emily's blog reminded me, one of the lighter more fun parts of my daily life is how clueless Japanese ads and product names are. They don't translate well at all sometimes. Randy and I went to the top of Mount Misen on Miyajima and found a sign that described an opening in the rock as "a hole to the extent that a fist enters." Sounds pretty fishy to me.

Then the other day in the grocery store, I was looking through the sweets aisle for something new to try and decided to buy these. And yes...according to the Japanese writing, it's pronounced "colon."

p.s.-In case you're wondering, my Cream Collon was delicious!

Folded In

2007-07-28T13:14:00.000+09:00

When baking, recipes often ask you to "fold the egg whites in" to the mixture or batter. This is a way of incorporating them without completely decimating the bubbles you've whipped into them. It's more like you put them in and take some of the mixture/batter and gently lay it on top of the eggs like a blanket. It keeps the end result light and airy.

This culture is so opposite to what I grew up with. If something negative happens, it's their fault. If something positive happens, it's apparently because of me. In the States, there's a tendency to blame others for negativity and take the credit for positivity (a la the often portrayed "that's my kid!" when he does well and "he obviously takes after you" when he screws up).

There's so much gratitude flowing for anything I do. My landlord gives me small gifts every time I pay my rent. My students give me small gifts at my private lessons. I don't quite get it. In one case, I pay money, and in the other, they pay me, and in both cases, they are falling over themselves to express their gratitude.

There's such an impulse ingrained in people here from a young age to not disturb others and their flow in life. There is a constant apology coming my way from others. If I push past someone, they apologize to me. If I ask them to explain something and they don't know how to explain it, they feel inadequate that they don't know English(!) and apologize again. When I was first learning to ride my bike here and didn't yet know the "rules" of the sidewalk, I ran right into the back of a schoolgirl. I was so concerned because I thought I'd hit her hard, and as I desperately asked if she was okay, she repeatedly cried "Sumimasen!" (excuse me/sorry) with tears coming down her face as if to say it was her fault.

Recently I've caught myself doing some very Japanese things here that I didn't notice I'd begun to do. At the dry cleaners yesterday, I apologized (in Japanese) to the people in line behind me. I wasn't there a long time...no more than three minutes. It was simply because I was first in line and they were behind me. They broke into smiles and said that it was nothing, but the way they said it indicated that I did the right thing by apologizing.

What is happening to me? Without noticing and without the violence of bursting my bubbles I think I'm being folded in...

Shinsen-en

2007-07-20T19:12:00.000+09:00

After a tiring night and day of the festival (so much for relaxing days off, eh?), my friend Kathy decided to stay in Kyoto to do a little sightseeing. We made our way to the Nijo Castle, only to discover that it's not open on Tuesdays in August. So I took her to a nearby garden/shrine that I'd ridden by on my bike but never stopped at to check out.

It was such a beautiful and peaceful place built on top of what used to be swamplands in front of the castle. It now holds small performances and ceremonies and is visited by worshippers at its shrine and patrons of its traditional restaurant.

Only when I looked it up a few minutes ago did I realize that it was instrumental in the history of the GIon Festival. Of all the places for us to go, we "happened" to choose the one connected to the parade we'd just come from. And here we just sat and had ice cream and got bit by a few mosquitoes!

You can see the beauty of it all HERE.

Gion Parade

2007-07-20T18:39:00.000+09:00

The day after our night out, many friends and co-workers came to meet Sabine and I in downtown Kyoto for the parade of floats.

Historically, there was a plague killing many Japanese almost 1200 years ago, and the emperor at the time believed that praying to the god of the Yasaka shrine (located in the Gion district of Kyoto) would put an end to it all. A ceremony was devised and representations of the 66 different regions marched from the Shinsen-en Garden (see the next post above for more on that) to the shrine. Miracualously, the plague came to a stop not long after, and the ceremony was repeated whenever Japan faced a major catastrophe. Eventually, it was done preventatively, and the parade became a tradition.

One of the marvels of the parade was the engineering required at the time to turn corners. As the wheels only move forward and don't turn at all, they had to come up with something else. They lay down rows of bamboo perpendicular to the front wheels, grease them up, roll the wheels forward onto them, tie a rope around the wheel and pull/push the float along the perpendicular track of the bamboo. It takes a looooong time to do, even today, as it's a painstaking process that requires about 30 men or so.

The other noteworthy things about the parade is that in modern times, it is a mark of status to be "chosen" to be riding on the floats. The boys and their families pay the equivalent of $100,000.00 to ride on it for one parade!

Pulling the floats, however, can be done by just about anyone, including foreigners. Perhaps you'll see me out there next year...

Parade day photos can be seen HERE.

Discrimation

2007-07-20T18:26:00.000+09:00

Warning: this is a rather long exploration and explanation of a challenging experience. If you wish only to hear about the “good” things, you can skip this one… The one right before and right after are more light and interesting, complete with photos.

One thing happened that really soured my night for a little while at the festival. We saw people going inside one of the houses to look at its treasures, and we decided to check it out. When we got to the front of the line, the “doorman” held his circular fan out in front of me as if to say “hold on a moment.” I thought maybe they were at capacity for the moment. Then he let a few other people in from the other side of him. At first I thought he knew them, but then I realized this wasn’t the case, so we moved over and got in that line. Once again, when it came to my turn, he held up the fan. He let a few other people in and then went inside and slid the door shut. In a minute or two, he came back out and let more people in but not us. Every time I tried to step forward, I had the fan put up in front of me. Maybe we needed tickets, I thought. But nobody else had any either.

I asked him in Japanese, “Ii desu ka?” (Is is okay?), and he replied “Dame desu” (it’s no good). He then went back inside and slid the door shut again. Sabine said something like “I guess we’re back to ‘niggers’ and ‘Jews’ again.” I don’t know how it feels to be black or a Jew, but I do know this felt like crap. We’d done nothing to provoke this. And it wasn’t that we weren’t allowed as much as the way we were being treated.

We started walking away, and I went back briefly to shoot this picture of him. I’d felt helpless and almost baffled at the fact that in the modern world of Japan, something like this would happen. I took the photo in an obvious way to maybe have him examine his actions and let him know that I saw him for who he was. Perhaps neither of those were accomplished, but it made me feel better either way. Something similar happened one time when all the foreigners who came in (including me) were placed at the end of the conveyor belt in a sushi shop. The Japanese patrons were all seated in front of the chef as they arrived, getting the fresh sushi. We got whatever happened to be left after they’d taken what they wanted.

I had heard before coming here that there was an invisible barrier between Japanese people and foreigners. I was told I’d never truly be accepted, no matter how many years I was here, and even if I were to marry a Japanese woman. I would most likely never be invited to a wedding or even a family’s house for dinner. On the surface, Japanese people have all been super friendly, and at the same time, I have sensed caution and a bit of skepticism sometimes (except for the flirty girls, for many of whom I’m just a fetish).

After being cut off from the rest of the world for generations, I can understand a hesitant approach to outsiders. 90% of Japan is homogeneous (Japanese marrying within their nationality and having pure-bred Japanese babies). It’s how they’ve survived on these small islands for so long. Not to mention that the Western world brought them firearms, Christianity, and then took advantage of them economically…not exactly the best impression to make. Currently, Americans and other Westerners are thought to be loud, inconsiderate, and sometimes destructive as tenants and while out drinking. I don’t doubt it. And perhaps my photo-taking only fed his image of Westerners.

I’m not defending anyone here. I’m only saying that I sadly can understand why I might be treated differently here. I realize my every action and attitude is scrutinized. It is only when I truly behave with respect, interest in the culture, and put forth effort to communicate in Japanese that the veil is usually lowered. Otherwise, I’m “just another foreigner.”

This experience was challenging for me because nothing I could have done would have made a difference. I realize how valuable this is for me to contemplate, and for that, I am grateful to the doorman.

Festive Kyoto

2007-07-20T01:36:00.000+09:00

The whole weekend had been very rainy, and word from friends who went to see the Gion Matsuri (festival) on Sunday was that it was too crowded to move more than a couple blocks in two hours’ time. I had been looking forward to the festival for many weeks and felt determined to go, no matter how tired I was, how rainy the skies were or how crowded the streets were. I had my yukata and I’d arranged to only work six days that week to make it happen. I was going. I picked up my friend Sabine from the station, we got ready, and headed out. On our way, we saw SO many people in yukata…it was like the city had been transformed and reminded me of Halloween, except that everyone was dressing with the same theme in mind.

We got there to discover that it wasn’t nearly as crowded as we’d heard (although I heard reports later that there were about 400,000 people all total in that one square kilometer area over the course of the three days). The streets were closed to traffic. The floats were all prepared for the parade the next day, draped in tapestries, covered in strung-up glowing lanterns, and emanating music played by the young men up on the second story.

We were actually allowed to go into a nearby house, (take off our shoes, of course), climb the stairs to the second floor, and cross a bridge leading up into one of the floats. It was a great view and beautiful feeling to be that close to the bells and drums.

We avoided the main streets and kept to the smaller side streets, drinking a beer and sharing a grilled squid-on-a-stick. There were all kinds of food stands with candied fruit, chocolate-covered bananas, grilled meats, and all kinds of unfamiliar delicacies.

There were also plenty of games with prizes. My favorite to watch was a wide tank full of fish, where you are given a small scoop with a net made of thin paper. You scoop up as many fish into your bag as you can until the net becomes soaked and is ripped open by the wriggling fish. You get to keep the fish, and not wanting that responsibility, we didn’t actually play, ourselves.

The other remarkable occurrence is that many homes in the area were allowing visitors to come inside and see their treasures. These included ancient paintings, split doorway curtains, tapestries, painted screens, flower arrangements, small sculptures, and other antiquities. We filed in to a few hallways to view some of these, sometimes finding small shrines in the back as well.

Just asking in one doorway to use the bathroom, I followed a few people down a long dark alley to where it opened up, revealing a displayed tapestry that was over 1000 years old! It had threads of spun gold and other materials, depicting a double dragon. Good thing I’d had that beer and had to relieve myself, or I’d never have seen it!

The other nice surprise was a compliment on my knot. The yukata has a belt, called an "obi," that you are supposed to tie in a particular way. Following the diagrams from my receipt, I did my best at home. Apparently I did alright because more than one person was impressed. But then again, Japanese people are often impressed that Westerners can even use chopsticks, so it could have been a comment more on the novelty than my actual skill!

To see more photos from the festival, click HERE. As always, you can click on them to enlarge them or right-click to save them.

Typhoons 'n Earthquakes 'n Tsunamis, Oh My!

2007-07-17T23:09:00.000+09:00

Ok, so I'm only kidding about the Tsunamis, which I guess isn't funny.

Japan did, however, get hit by a typhoon and then earthquake, all in two days' time! The typhoon went over Kyushu island, where Nagasaki and Fukuoka are (not the same island I'm on, but very close) on Saturday. There were threats that it would hit my region, but besides a lot of rain, a little wind and a few dark clouds later that day, I didn't notice much change from usual.

Did you know the only difference between a typhoon and a hurricane is that they originate on different sides of the International Date Line?

And then we had an earthquake in the Niigata prefecture. Actually, I slept through it and only found out because my friend Naomi (in Northern California!) sent me an e-mail asking if I was ok. I didn't feel a thing.

I've been asked how I can live somewhere with such crazy natural disasters. Well honestly, there were tornadoes in Wyoming, hurricanes in Virginia, blizzards in Connecticut, earthquakes in California, fires or floods in more than one of each of those, and at this point, I feel like you just choose which ones you'd rather face. Next month I'm climbing an active (but dormant) volcano, so maybe I'm not the best person to ask...

Bing! You are now free to move about the globe...

2007-07-13T00:38:00.001+09:00

Today I got my re-entry Visa, which basically says that the Japanese government will allow me to leave the country and then come back here and work again. Whoo Hoo! Now I just need to buy a wedding gift and get fitted for a tux somehow here. I'm sure they'll do it for me, although in centimeters instead of inches!

Besides that, I'm just working my butt off, looking forward to the festival next week and having visitors from Osaka come stay with me. I'll be sure to post photos of me in my yukata once I have them...

My Schedule and Service with a Smile

2007-07-08T13:19:00.000+09:00

I just completed a schedule for myself and realized why I'm so tired! There's no room on there for "me" time (well, barely). I feel like I'm in a loop that never ends. I don't actually talk to Randy all of the green times, but we do our best to make most of them happen for part of that time. Anyway, here's a copy of it because some of you wanted to know when to reach me. Good luck! Remember that California is 16 hours earlier than my time and the East Coast is 13 hours earlier than me. (you can click on it to enlarge it)Anyway, the other thing I wanted to mention today is how amazing the customer service is here. Not only did I receive a package here yesterday from my friend Somkith in SF, but it only took 4 days! When I missed delivery, I called a number, and they redelivered it to my house within 90 minutes. Can you believe it? They offered 90 minutes, 3 hours, 5 hours, 7 hours, or anytime the next day. The U.S. could learn a little from the customer service in Japan.

If you ask someone in a store where something is, they literally run to show you or get help for you. Sometimes, as my friend Dave discovered, you can end up with 4 or 5 people around you, all trying to help you accomplish your mission. If you ask directions from a stranger on the street, they will usually walk you all the way to where you were going or at least get you a good block on your way. I've had my Japanese teachers call me to give me information I asked about in passing. One even sat on my phone for me the other day for 10 minutes, trying to get through to the movie theater for me, since I couldn't understand the movie phone thing. I've had strangers miss their stop so that they could show me mine. When I asked at the International Community Center about buying a used scooter, they went onto the internet, did a search for 15 minutes, and printed out pages of locations I could go to find them.

Sometimes it's a little too much, but for a foreigner who is still learning the ropes, it's quite helpful.

Exhausted (already!)

2007-07-03T22:22:00.000+09:00

I just worked my 7th day in a row, and I will continue on for the next 12, totaling 19 in a row without a day off. I am covering shifts in advance in order to get time off for my brother's wedding next month. In the last 24 hours, I worked two jobs, but I had a 10 & 1/2 hour break in between so I thought I'd do something nice for myself. That proved to be difficult.

I got off work at 7:30am and then had to kill time until my Japanese class at 10am. I have plenty of errands to run, but nothing was open at that time. After class I went to see Zodiac at the theaters, and the only time it was showing resulted in me waiting for 2 hours for it to start. That delay meant that I wasn't going to have time to call Randy in between jobs. Due to working overtime and Randy visiting his family in Oregon, our schedules haven't lined up, and I haven't talked to him in almost three days now.

The movie was good, but I had to literally run from the theater to the subway to get to the train to get to my bicycle to get to my next job on time (I arrived with one minute to spare). It seems ironic to me that relaxing was such a rush and hassle. I've now been awake for 27 hours and have to wait another one to be able to talk to Randy for a measly 15 minutes before he starts work.

This is definitely not what I had in mind when I came here.

It was just a frustrating day. Things are good in general, and I know that after more sleep, my mood will improve.

Parliamo Italiano!

2007-07-01T13:45:00.001+09:00

Today was my first Italian lesson here in Japan. "Italian?!?" you might ask. Well I studied it for a few semesters about five years ago or so. I now work with many people at the Multimedia Center who speak Italian, French, German, Spanish, and Chinese. They mostly keep to their own group, but I did meet Elena, an Italian woman who agreed to give me lessons once every three weeks.

It was great. After the initial 3o minutes or so, I was able to tell stories about my trips to Italy. I surprised both of us, I think. I remember much more than I had realized. I also forgot some extremely simple words and grammar points. Ahh balance. So this will be good for me in more than one way.

Many people have asked if it would get confusing learning two languages at once. Studies (and my experience years ago) have shown that it's actually better for your retention rate to learn more than one at a time. If you learn one language, stop those classes, and then learn another, your brain tends to overwrite the old one with the new, so to speak. It's not that you forget everything; it's more that you have one area of your brain for foreign languages and they sort of duke it out for space.

If you learn more than one at a time, it forces your brain to expand how much it uses at a time, thus allowing both new languages to coexist. I have done this before, and the confusion of words only lasts for the initial few weeks. In the beginning, if you don't know a word, it comes to you in another language, but not usually your native one...usually another foreign language you've learned. This was evident to me today as I filled in missing Italian vocabulary with French, Japanese, and even Spanish at times (which I barely know), proving that part of my brain is activated.

Anyway, I'm excited to have Italian back in my life and for it to enhance that learning center in my brain so that I start thinking from there more often for Japanese's sake as well.

Now if I could only find someone willing to teach me Arabic...

Mushiatsui...

2007-06-29T11:00:00.000+09:00

That's Japanese for humid. I lived in Wyoming growing up where it could easily get to be over 100 degrees Fahrenheit (38 degrees Celcius) in the summers. You could see the heat in transparent waves coming off of the hood of a car or roof of a shed. But it was a dry heat, something I never truly realized until I moved to...

...Virginia Beach, VA. Humidity was new for me, and I found it hard to breathe, having grown up with asthma. Summers there were sometimes stifling. But it was near the ocean and had a breeze which kept it moving, something I never realized until I moved to...

...Middletown, CT, in the Connecticut River Valley. The valley kept the air from moving and so the humidity would just sit there. We would shower three times a day just to keep cool and would still sweat in the middle of summer. But it was pretty far North, being in New England, something I never realized until I moved to...

...Kyoto, Japan. Apparently from what I hear from my students, Kyoto has the most extreme weather in Japan (I'll let you know about the winter when it arrives!). In summers, it has the heat of Wyoming, the southern latitude of Virginia Beach, and sits in a river valley like Connecticut. It's the triple whammy.

I have heard the expression that "the heat hung in the air," and I thought I'd seen that before, but I have today truly seen this for the first time. You can literally see a thick haze in the air. Visibility is reduced. It's like walking through a sauna. I drip with sweat every time I leave my apartment. I shower multiple times a day (once after riding my bike home from work, once before going to sleep, and once before leaving for work). It doesn't make much of a difference. The only time I wear clothes in my apartment is to video chat on Skype. Even my friends in Osaka don't realize what this is like. Going to work there is a relief for me each night.

So here's the bad part. It's only 32 degrees Celcius today (about 89 degress Fahrenheit), but with 83% humidity. It's supposed to get gradually worse until August when it is going to be around 39 degrees Celcius (102.2 degrees Fahrenheit) with 95% humidity!

I'm a little frightened.

I'll keep you posted.

Yukata

2007-06-26T23:10:00.001+09:00

Today I bought my first article of Japanese clothing; a yukata. I wanted to get the one you see in the picture here, but it was only available online, and I don't know how long it would take to have it shipped. So I bought one from a store that pretty much only sells kimono and traditional Japanese clothes. It was a bit more expensive, but it's really nice, and it has tigers on it. You'll see photos of me wearing it next month.

I am going with a whole bunch of people to the Gion Matsuri in Kyoto on July 17th. It is the largest festival in Japan each year, and I am excited to see it firsthand. There will be lanterns and geisha and floats (Oh my!)

I decided to do one cultural thing in Japan every month (like Hiroshima in May and Himeji Castle in June...see previous posts). This will be my July event, and in August, I'll be climbing Mount Fuji!

In general, things are looking up. I had a great Japanese class today, my private students are progressing nicely (I have a new one tomorrow who wants help writing formal business letters and speaking appropriately on the phone to clients in the U.S.), my shift swaps were approved for my brother's wedding in August, and it looks like the transfer to a Kyoto branch will happen September 1st. That means starting Aikido is just around the corner. Also, some friends from California (Somkith, Shoichi, and Megan) are coming on three separate trips this fall. It will be nice to have people from home to show around and re-ground myself with.

The only challenge lately is that it's raining EVERY day. Riding home in the rain the other day, my bicycle tire got caught in the train track, and I went down hard. Everything went flying, and my leg is gashed up pretty nicely. Mostly, though, everything is fine. It's just getting old getting soaked on my commute.

So for the most part, I'm feeling excited again to be here and have a lot to look forward to, including wearing my new yukata!

Proud to be...

2007-06-25T13:17:00.000+09:00

...who I am.

After a couple of conversations today I am more aware than ever before that it is important to have pride in who you are and where/who/what you come from. I am not one for regret because everything I have done leads up to who I am now. By disavowing my heritage or my country, I am disavowing a part of myself. I may not agree with actions my government has taken, but growing up in the U.S. has enriched and created the person I am today. Why would I disclaim myself just because of the government I happened to be born under? Are all Germans bad people just because they were born with the heritage of a Hitler regime or Communist rule? Are all Arabs bad people because of 9/11? Considering we're only just over 200 years old, I could produce an appallingly long list of atrocities the American government has sanctioned or carried out first-hand. Does that make me a bad person?

The United States is a relatively young nation. And as such, it often acts without thinking through the consequences fully. It has no history of its own to have learned from. It often reacts impetuously, as if it's still defiant of being told what to do (independence was a relatively short time ago, after all). Like a child it is also somewhat shallow and materialistic, focusing on immediate desires and operating from a position of scarcity that needs to be quickly snatched up before it's all gone. As older nations encounter the U.S., they often feed off of the excitement, enjoyment and energy that youth has to offer, wanting a slice of it for themselves. In doing so, many have embraced the bright, shiny materialism and gobbled up the products and images while bad-mouthing the attitude that brought it to them in the first place. Along with the exuberance of youth, the U.S. brings innovation and invention to the global table. Being free from thousands of years of tradition brings with it the advantage of being able to easily think outside of the box and create from that place, as short-sighted as some of those creations may be.

I am often told that I am not the "typical" American. Well I don't know what that means, exactly. I have visited 49 out of 50 states and when I was asked today what I think America is, I could honestly say "I don't know how to answer that. America is a big place." When I lived there, I was surrounded by loving, caring, globally and environmentally conscious, creative individuals. The President's popularity rating is lower than any other president in American history, and it's well under 50%, so I guess that means that the"typical American" doesn't agree with the way the American government is acting either.

I think that we as humans are living cultural experiences with blinders on, accepting what we are taught or told as truth, challenged to pull ourselves out of that "understanding." In college, my concentration was in Women's Studies, and the most valuable thing I got out of that is a double-edged sword: I will never know for the rest of my life what it is truly like to be a woman, & I will spend the rest of my life doing my best to explore and comprehend any perspective that is different from my own, knowing I will never fully be able to understand. This has been part of the driving force behind me traveling to other countries and learning first-hand what others' perspectives are.

If I were to rely on movies, news media, stereotypes and here say, I would only further cement that which I have been told. It has only been through meeting others from other nations and traveling there myself that I have begun to have a slight inkling of what those places are about. In almost every case, I have learned that my preconceptions and expectations were wrong. Whole nations are vilified. Others are pitied as victims. Who are the good guys, and who are the bad guys? That depends on who you ask, of course, which leads me to believe that there is no true answer to that question.

The only truth as I experience it is that which proves to be universal. And what is more universal than the fact that we each have a unique experience and perspective?

Every country has thieves, crooked politicians, and murderers. Every country has artists, humanitarians, and caretakers. Every country has people who think that they are right and everyone else is wrong. Every country has laughter, tears, and love-making.

When I traveled through Europe the first time, people knew I wasn't from their country, but they couldn't place where I was from. The French thought I was Dutch, the Dutch thought I was German, the Germans, Italians, Spanish, and Moroccans thought I was French. Only one person in over 4 months guessed that I was from the U.S. I still get a similar reaction, and that makes me proud too.

Why? Not because I'm proud that nobody thinks I'm American, but because it indicates to me that I truly am becoming a global citizen. And hopefully, as I'm out here absorbing the world and allowing it to change my preconceptions, I too am changing how other people see Americans, removing their blinders as I remove my own.

Would you believe...?

2007-06-23T13:21:00.000+09:00

I'm not sure how any of you feel about astrology (I'm not sure how I feel about it either), but right now Mercury is retrograde. Astronomically, this means that the planet seems to be moving in a reverse course in space, due to our relative perspective. This happens three times a year for a few weeks at a time because Mercury rotates around the sun three times as fast as the Earth. Astrologically, during this time, electronics go wacky, communication is often misunderstood, or things get lost in the mail, so to speak. Forward progress is supposedly much more challenging. It's a good time for introspection and not to expect things to go as planned or to be understood.

Well, I've been feeling like I've been swimming upstream ever since I got to Japan. Housing, job, Aikido (lack thereof), money (lack thereof!)...all of them have been serious challenges for me. Well Mercury went retrograde last week, and because I hadn't gotten communication from my office about my shift change or transfer to Kyoto, I thought I'd check it out. Apparently, it had gotten lost in the shuffle, and if I hadn't checked, nothing would be happening.

So yesterday I signed a new contract, meaning I work a few hours less a week, including one less graveyard shift. I also was given a form, confirming my transfer in September so I can eliminate my commute and begin Aikido. Of course, in order to go to my brother's wedding in August, I'm working six days a week for six weeks to get the time off, so I'm actually working more, not less, over the next couple of months. But it will be worth it to get to be present at a monumental occasion for my brother.

Point being, things finally feel like they're moving forward. I can now see a time when I will no longer be working graveyard, no longer be commuting 15 hours a week, and will be able to start Aikido and settle into a routine! Whoo hoo! I feel like I'm finally arriving.

So if things are moving forward when they're supposed to be stopped or backward, does that mean I am experiencing a Mercury retro-retrograde?!?

Ume Alert!

2007-06-19T18:01:00.000+09:00

Ume (pronounced "OO-may" are Japanese plums. They are actually more related to the apricot than a plum, having a slightly fuzzy exterior and being smaller than Western plums. They are used here to make some types of wine or liquor, they can be pickled and used as a slightly sour garnish, and they are sometimes dried and eaten as sweets for dessert. I love all of the above.

Right now, it the grocery stores, they have taken over the fruit section, kicking out the melons that had been in season for so long. When you buy juice or candy or popsicles, etc, they are often ume or melon flavored rather then the basic cherry, grape, strawberry, and orange options I'm used to back in the States. (Other popular flavors here are white peach, lemon, cherry blosson, and green tea.) Melons here have a really strong flavor, unlike those back in the US, and green ones like honeydew are never pulpy but rather smooth and quite delicious. They cost a pretty penny too. One melon about the size of an acorn squash, can cost anywhere from 580 yen up to 1300 yen. (That's about $11.00...did I mention that's for ONE?!?) The other anomaly here is that while most things are slightly smaller in Japan, the apples are the size of large grapefruit at home. I've never seen apples that large. But I digress...

I just got back from the grocery store and you can buy giant bins of ume at a time. They have their own section these days. I picked up 25 of them in a bag for about the equivalent of $4.25 and I'm excited to try them. I've never actually had the fruit itself.

One of the things I love about Japan is that they eat in season. They don't try and eat fruit or vegetables all year that aren't being harvested right then. They also eat cooler foods in the summer and somewhat thicker ones in the winter. We do that a bit in the U.S. too, but we also have come to make any food available year-round, losing touch a little bit with eating in harmony with nature.

Soon after I first arrived here last January, we went ume blossom viewing up at the Osaka Castle (different from the Himeji Castle in the posting below). The blossoms were white or pale or hot pink: and nearly as stunning as the famous cherry blossoms. There were hundreds of Japanese people there from newborn to 80 years old, even on a weekday. If you want to see more photos of that trip in February, including some shots of that castle, you can click HERE. Make sure you click on a couple to see the blossoms close up, and yes, that's me in the last photo.

I'm off to try my first fresh ume...

Himeji Castle and Park

2007-06-18T22:03:00.000+09:00

After a tight month, we finally got paid on the 15th, and two of my coworkers (Jonathan and Scott) and I decided to go to Himeji castle. Regardless of the money situation, I'm not passing up the opportunity to explore Japan while I'm here, so I decided to do one event a month like this.

So we worked the graveyard shift last night and took off right afterwards this morning. It was about an hour away by train and well worth our time. It's one of the largest castles in Japan and is called the "White Heron" due to it's color. it was built around the year 1600 and was never destroyed through fire or war, so it is still in it's original shape and has been declared a World Cultural heritage Site. It was also featured in You Only Live Twice (a James Bond movie from 1967), the TV miniseries Shogun, and more recently The Last Samurai with Tom Cruise.

We first walked through all nine gardens around it and were able to partake in a traditional Tea Ceremony, eating a Japanese sweet snack and drinking matcha, both served by women wearing kimonos which was one of those unforgettable moments in life. The gardens were stunning, and I took a lot of photos. It was good to get into nature a bit.

The castle itself was crazy to climb, due to its eight stories of steep steps, but the inside was fascinating. We even looked at the well where a woman was killed during samurai times. Her ghost is said to be haunting the well, though there are some discrepancies as to the exact story.

All in all, it was great to get out of my region and see something new (to me!), soaking up another experience here. if you want to see photos, click HERE, and remember you can click on them to make them bigger. The last one is of me pretending to climb into the well.

I've now been awake since I woke up for work last night (27 hours ago!), so I'm going to sign off for now...

Gokiburi Showdown

2007-06-13T01:54:00.000+09:00

Gokiburi is Japanese for "cockroach," and I just saw my first one. It was brown, shiny, the size of a 50-cent piece, & apparently rather stupid. It ran under a chair, and when I moved the chair, it ran into the middle of the room. It must have had a death wish because it waited there for me to go get my boot. I hit it, but the resilient one escaped and ran toward my water heater. There it encountered the heel of my boot once more, ending the festivities.

I had heard that they are everywhere during the summer, but (I told myself) I'm clean! Perhaps it was a rogue warrior roach exiled from his clan next door. I'm not usually a fan of killing things, unless they like to sting me. Rather than finding that out on an individual basis, I generally hold entire hives accountable for the past actions of their ancestors. And while roaches don't sting, they tend to lay eggs. Lots of eggs. Not knowing if it was male or female, I didn't take the time to turn it over and check. Instead I decided to relieve this one of it's life before eggs could be lain.

Please forgive me, but THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!

Teacher Spencer?

2007-06-12T22:18:00.000+09:00

I posted an ad on a bulletin board, looking for English students for private lessons. One man named Toshiro (call me "Toby" he said) called me, saying that his small English school lost a teacher and he needed someone for 3 lessons Tuesdays from 6-9pm. He offered me 2500 yen (about $21) for each of the three lessons. One class has one student and the other two have two students each. It is a little less money than I was hoping for when teaching more than one student at a time, and it was on my day off. At the same time, at this point, I pretty much need to take what I can get so I agreed to come for one week and try it out anyway.

I was left alone in the upstairs loft of what used to be a sushi restaurant Toby owned before opening the school. Just me and a fan and a dry erase board. For some reason I wasn't nervous. And then the students filed in.

Well, each class was better than the next. I had an amazing time connecting with these students. They were interesting and fun to talk with. I didn't have to have a lesson plan (although I will in the future), so we just talked and got to know one another. As I corrected their grammar or explained concepts to them on the white board and then asked them to put it into practice, I realized: I'm actually teaching!

We had a good time, they asked great questions, and I could see them get better. I'm actually good at this! They were eager students, and I was overwhelmed with the difference between this and what I do in Osaka. I am grateful for my experience at NOVA and the rehearsal time it gave me, preparing me to be a "real" teacher. It was invigorating and exciting to know it could be like this. I have a newfound sense of joy in being here and feel much better about my decision to come to Japan.

I was so energized that my 45-minute bike ride home only took me 25 minutes!

I think I will sleep well again tonight.

Rest and Repose

2007-06-12T21:55:00.000+09:00

I was feeling rather isolated yesterday since I don't yet know anyone in Kyoto. On their days off, my coworkers sometimes socialize and later tell me stories of their nights out or even just hanging out in their living rooms together. I am aware that I am on an individual journey here, but sometimes, I feel lonely in a city where almost all of the non-Japanese people are tourists.

Yesterday one of my coworkers, Emily, called and said that they had an extra futon for me to crash on if I wanted to go hang out with her and Scott. I had class in Osaka in the morning anyway, so I caught the train in and we went to a small restaurant/bar call "Absinthe."

On a whim, I decided to have some absinthe and then decided to order a hookah to smoke some cherry-flavored tobacco. I'd first tried a hookah in Turkey (we had apricot tobacco there), and even though I don't usually smoke, it's a nice treat once every few years since the water filters and cools the smoke before it hits your lungs, leaving a subtle sweet cherry taste on your tongue.

Scott asked me a question about my beliefs which sparked a discussion about religion, spirituality, life, afterlife, deja vu, dreaming, non-linear time, multiple dimensions, and the evolution of our consciousness, among other things. I haven't gotten that philosophical in a long time, and I'm sure it was a sight: me discussing metaphysics and religion while gesturing with a hookah and sipping on absinthe.

It was a great feeling to just relax a bit and let loose in a peaceful sort of way. I went back to their place and slept for six hours, dreaming intensely of my grandparents and family, not waking once through the night, something I rarely do.

It's exactly what I needed.

Thank you Emily and Scott...

Drool

2007-06-11T17:43:00.001+09:00

So many Japanese people sleep on the train because they are simply exhausted and commute for so long. I looked at my schedule and know that in order to move from the night shift to days, I am going to have to pick up 14 hours of private lessons a week to make up the difference in pay. That means working a total of 48 hours a week and commuting 15 a week.

When I'm not commuting to Osaka anymore, that will give me back 10 hours a week (I'll still have to commute, but only 30 min each way a day). I can dedicate those 10 hours to privates, so that's still 48 hours a week of work, but more time overall for other things like Aikido. Still with me?

Point being, I'm running the risk of becoming one of these Japanese men who works so hard he just passes out on the train. And since I have at least two more months of commuting, I may end up looking like the guy in this photo I took on the train yesterday:

His head kept bobbing around, ending up on the woman's shoulder next to him, then her lap, then the window again. She was trying to sleep too. People here are so concerned with not rocking the boat or disturbing one another that she let him lay with his head in her lap with a horrified look on her face. She didn't know him at all, and she'd rather be disturbed than disturb him. I only hope I get the same treatment when I wake up from drooling all over some lady's purse!

The Great Randini

2007-06-10T12:29:00.000+09:00

It was wonderful to have Randy visit, even if it felt so short. He is such a supportive person with a willingness to grow like no other. His sense of humor helps keep me from getting too serious, and knowing he is out there somewhere makes me feel a bit more at peace somehow. His impact on me is nothing short of magical.

Not only did he take time off work to come to a country he wasn't particularly interested in, but he lugged a whole extra suitcase full of things for me from the States and then was left all alone for two nights while I worked. One night he even bravely met a large group of people I work with all at once who had been hearing about him for weeks, all to go to karaoke, something Randy doesn't really enjoy.

I am again grateful for how willing he is to do "what it takes" in a relationship, even if I test those limits.

I have attached a link to pictures from his visit (except for our trip to Hiroshima...for that, see the posting below entitled the same). These photos include: our trip up to Monkey Mountain, the bamboo forest, a place where you can pay to pet puppies, karaoke, a ride on one of the world's largest ferris wheels, Kiyomizu (one of the most famous sites in Japan, nominated to be one of the New Seven Wonders of the World), some Geisha, and Randy "whisking" some green tea in a Japanese tea house. The last picture is a panoramic view of Kyoto from the top of Monkey Mountain. As usual, you can click on the photos to make them larger.

To see the photos, click HERE.

Finally, Randy went for his first practice run today, as he just decided to run in the AIDS Marathon in Hawai'i this year. He never ceases to stop challenging himself, amazing me at the same time. (If you'd like to donate to his run, every little bit counts, even a few bucks. Please leave a comment on this posting, and I'll put you in touch with him)

All I can say is Gambatte, Randy! (see posting below)

Gambatte!

2007-06-10T12:10:00.000+09:00

Gambatte (pronounced "Gahm-bah-tay") is a Japanese phrase that means something along the lines of "you can do it!" or "rock on!" or "be strong!" I was riding the train home today, studying writing my kanji (I'm now up to about 55 characters...whoo hoo!) when a smoke-scented older woman with yellow teeth and bad breath asked to sit next to me. At first I was not too thrilled, tired from work and really not wanting to smell her for the next 30 minutes.

She saw me struggling with a couple character combinations and pointed to one, giving me the answer. She asked "muzukashii?" (meaning: is it difficult?) I nodded, not really wanting to engage with her. After a bit, I was reviewing how to write units of time, like "4 hours", "6 weeks", "30 years", etc. She interrupted me again to ask where I was from. I realized I wasn't getting away from her. She began asking me how long I'd been in Japan, how long my commute was, and what the time difference was between here and San Francisco, among other questions. I struggled to converse with her, being completely lost at times.

As I got off the train, she told me "Gambatte!" It wasn't until the train pulled away that I realized her questions were designed to help me practice saying units of time! (the answers are: over 4 months, 90 minutes each way, and 16 hours before, respectively, if you're curious)

She was yet another blessing in (a smelly) disguise. Years ago in Prague, a woman bought me a bottle of wine, hugged me repeatedly, and helped me figure out how to come back to Virginia early after I found out about my mother's cancer. Months before that, a man in Spain took me to the hospital and then nursed me back to health in his home for over a week after I caught a bug in Morocco. Sometimes I forget we are given exactly what we need in this world, and today I'm remembering and honoring every kind stranger I've met on my travels so far and in years to come. They are plentiful, and it inspires me to return the favor. I ask you all to keep that in mind as well.

Oh Clap!

2007-06-10T11:51:00.000+09:00

Most Japanese people are easily able to pronounce leading "L"s, as in leap, or lounge, or lap. But when it's in the middle of a word, especially when next to another consonant, it comes out sounding like an "R". Many jokes have been made in American movies and TV shows about this. Today I created a class for three of my more advanced students. I taught them about words like habit, addiction, vice, conscious, intention, and ritual.

When I asked them for an example of a ritual, one of my students named Yoshie told me about how when they go to a shrine and pray, they "wash their hands, gargle, ring a bell, crap twice, bow, and then crap one more time at the shrine." I did all I could not to laugh in her face. They are challenging to correct as students because most of them take it really hard, get down on themselves, and don't speak as much for the rest of the lesson. I had to treat this gently.

One of the other students, however, laughed his head off, knowing what she had said. "Teacher Spencer? Isn't that like saying S-H-I-T?" he asked me. I nodded and asked him to explain it to her (so I wouldn't get in trouble). He told her "crap" is when we us the toilet once a day, and we proceeded to work on saying "clap" for the next 7 or 8 minutes. It wasn't easy for them. I explained to her how important it is, though, so that she's not laughed at in a less forgiving setting.

At the end of the lesson, before saying goodbye, Yoshie said "Teacher Spencer? Thank you for helping me, and I promise not to crap at the shrine ever again." It's moments like these that make it all worth it!

Getting Friendly

2007-06-09T13:17:00.000+09:00

I sent out a link today to a few people letting them know about this blog, and I already got many e-mails or posted comments from people whom I love and respect. I hadn’t anticipated (though secretly desired) such an overwhelming response. I really do miss people back in the U.S., even if I’m not exactly missing the U.S. itself. My eyes welled up at a few of these messages, hearing words from people who knew me well when I lived there. I say “knew” only because I’m going through such change that I don’t even know aspects of myself right now, confronting inner, old issues of honor, commitment, jealousy, self-reliance, resourcefulness, and faith.

One of my primary challenges in life has been that of independence. My parents instilled it in me as we left everything comfortable at once and moved from Wyoming to Virginia. That showed me that pulling away into the unknown was a potentially valuable experience, even if I never really grew to like Virginia Beach. And then they ironically struggled with it along side me as I began to assert my own independence in immature ways. We are still dancing with one another around this as I learn that relying on them from time to time does not have to mean giving up my autonomy. I know intellectually that asking for help doesn’t mean I’ve failed, and yet part of me still feels like an adolescent inside when this comes up.

That being said, I do need my friends and their support. Growth can be more difficult when you are surrounded by people who see you in a particular light because your interactions with them tend to reinforce the person they “know” you to be. Knowing I needed to break some old patterns and give mysef the opportunity to grow, I have pulled away while being here.

At the same time, I also feel today how important those connections are and how grateful I am for each and every one of you and your individual infulence on me. I feel your love and return it in kind.

Here are some photos of various people I love and miss: CLICK HERE
I only have photos form the past year or so in my computer at all. If you aren't in one of these and have one of us, please send it to me. Thanks!

Leggo my "Eigo"

2007-06-08T12:35:00.000+09:00

Eigo is the Japanese word for English. I just took two weeks off from my Japanese classes because Randy was here and then I was sad he was gone, so I missed one more. It was good to “force” myself to go to both of them this week. For my once-a-week class in Kyoto at the International Community Center, I paid only 800 yen (about $7.00) total for all 16 weeks. Today we spent the whole 90 minutes learning how to say “A is bigger/taller/cheaper/better than B” and “I like A more than B, but I like C most of all.” It’s such a slow process; I am told that two semesters of Japanese is like only one of Spanish, French, Italian, or German. I didn’t really believe it before, but now I see it. I thought maybe it was because those other languages were closer to English. But it turns out that the language and all of its nuances and multiple words for the same thing is actually a bigger language with more to learn.

I also attend one class in Osaka on Tuesdays, the only days I wouldn’t otherwise have to make the 90-minute commute. I may be crazy for taking the ride in just for that, but it’s only 200 yen a month (about $1.70), and it’s the best class I’ve found so far, with a private teacher for me and my old roommate, Stuart. It’s in a room full of tables of the same thing for people from all over the world wanting to learn Japanese. Plus my middle-aged housewife volunteer teacher, Munakatta-sensei, is so sweet and patient with me and all of my endless questions like “how do you distinguish between ‘I did it alone’ (all by myself/with no help) vs. ‘I did it alone’ (all alone/nobody else was with me).” I think I test her limits sometimes, but it’s very rewarding for more than one reason. This week we spent the whole 90 minutes learning how to say “A is next to/under/on/to the left of/to the right of/in front of/behind/inside of/outside of B.” 90 minutes just for that!

I am grateful for the break I took because I had reached a point where I was “surviving” and could say all the things I needed to say to get by like please, thank you, excuse me, ordering food, asking about train tickets, “what time do you close?” and “where is the toilet?” You know…the essentials we take for granted in our own language.

Anyway, I hope my classes help push me into the next level and I feel a new commitment to going to them on a regular basis.

American Influence

2007-06-08T12:18:00.000+09:00

I am further convinced that the U.S. is currently the only true superpower in the world, dominating not only political and commercial realms, but cultural as well. As music and movies arrive here, they bring with them phrases and images of America that become trendy. Due primarily to advertising in films, Starbucks Coffee and Apple Computers have become staples here, driving out most of the competition. Not that this isn’t true in the States as well, but I sort of expect it in the corporate homeland that is America. The Japanese love of Disney is just one example (see photo).

In addition, Japanese people work an average of 50-60 hours a week and have no free time. Evidence of this is the fact that the number two free-time activity is “sleeping,” surpassed only by “shopping” (for both women AND men). Number three is “driving.” You often see them sleeping on trains to and from work, just exhausted from their days. They don’t have time for the simple pleasures and due to this, convenience is paramount. McDonalds and KFC are everywhere, and the traditionally healthy Japanese diet is quickly deteriorating, as cost and convenience are winning out. It’s sad to see that the stereotypical overweight American is becoming increasingly Japanese as well.

Along the same vein, it has become trendy to use English phrases and words as well, slowly replacing the Japanese words. At the drycleaners, if I want less starch, I ask for “softo” and if I don’t want the taxi driver to turn, I ask him to go “straighto.” You can order a “furappuchino” or “remon aisu tii” (lemon iced tea) to go with your “hamburugu” and “poteeto furaizu” (French fries). While it’s made it easier for me to communicate at times, just guessing by using an English word with the Japanese accent, it still makes me sad to know that some younger generations don’t even know the Japanese words for these things and grow up thinking that these words actually ARE Japanese. At this point, that’s slowly becoming the truth.

A sign of the times, I suppose…

Reading the Signs

2007-06-08T11:59:00.000+09:00

If it wasn't for the pictures, I'd be lost sometimes. The picture to the left is warning you to not chase the deer around the park or leave trash that they could eat and get sick from. The one on the bottom reminds you to pick up after your dog.

The Japanese alphabet is actually 3 different character sets. The first two character sets , Hiragana and Katakana, consist of about 71 characters, each one corresponding to a different syllable sound. If you can read it, you can sound out a word (which doesn't mean you know what it means, just because you can pronounce it!). I am now fairly able to read and write those two sets, which are sort of like their cursive and print.

The third character set, Kanji, stems from ancient Chinese and consists of about 50,000-80,000 characters! Each one can mean a variety of sounds or can stand for a single word. You need to know about 1,500 of them to read the newspaper, and most Japanese people only end up knowing about 2,000-5,000 or so in their lifetime.

Here is something I wrote my first week here:
"We went to the grocery store to buy food today, and we couldn't figure out if the translucent yellow liquid was oil or salad dressing or vinegar or who knows what. It's funny all you take for granted. Everything is written in a language I can't even begin to comprehend! It's not like we could even sound out the words on the packages to figure it out. And nothing looked familiar. Brands from home like Special K or Twix or Welch's are here but use different packaging...their name is written in tiny print in English on the back. It's a bit of culture shock, trying to figure out if I'm buying sesame oil or olive oil or chicken broth or dish soap, since I can't read the labels, and they're all yellow-ish and come in similar packages! We bought so many things without knowing what they are, figuring we could try new things. We had to buy laundry detergent, and I'm sure we found the right area of the store, but did we buy detergent for colors or did it contain bleach, or was it actually fabric softener? I guess we'll find out."

Timing and Torn between Desires

2007-06-06T13:30:00.001+09:00

It's been challenging to sort out how long I'm going to be here, when I will return, and where to exactly. I wanted to study Aikido for at least a year, and I haven't even started yet. I wanted to study Thai massage in Chiang Mai at the end of my trip for a month and then relax in Thailand for a week or so right before returning to the States.

I was hoping to not return to the US during my time here, but my brother is getting married this fall, so I'm going back to South Dakota for that. And recently my sister announced her engagement, and the wedding was September 2008, so I was going to be back in time for Burning Man and then that. Then she had to change the date to the end of next June, which wasn't easy for me to deal with. I had finally resigned myself to cutting my time here short by a month and my massage training short by a week when I was told that the wedding date was moved up yet another week! Now I'm really feeling like it's affecting my experience here.

I really didn't want to come back until I felt done. All of this is over a year away, and it all feels so planned out...not what I had in mind when I decided to come to Japan a couple of years ago. I don't want to leave here regretting that I didn't accomplish what I came to do. I also don't want to regret missing out on important family events in the U.S. I tend to live without regret and really feel torn here.

My parents offered to fly me back for the wedding and then back again to Japan or Thailand, wherever I happened to be. That helps, but doesn't solve some of the timing issues like making sure I'm not in Thailand during monsoon season.

And the biggest and most challenging part of all of this for me is Randy. When I planned this years ago, he wasn't in the picture. I hadn't anticipated finding such an amazing partner just before coming here. And it can't be easy for him to be called a partner but not getting equal say in how these things play out. This is an individual journey that was embarked upon before I met him. I have to be true to my feelings for him. And I have to be true to this journey here at the same time. I know that changing my time here could lead to resentment toward him for years to come that I don't want either of us to have to experience. And I want to be with him as much as possible.

I always said I'd be here between one and two years. Now, I'm staying true to that, but it feels like I am hurting him to even consider being here until next August, making some extra money after Amber's wedding and then going to Thailand. He wants me to be back as soon as possible. And I would be lying to say I'm not eager embark on my next journey... my new life with him.

But one chapter at a time. I'm jumping ahead and not being present. Some of these decisions need to be made, and I'm feeling a crunch.

If you have any suggestions or input, I'd love to hear them...

Work

2007-06-06T11:10:00.000+09:00

Warning! The following is somewhat of a rant. I guess I'm just spoiled by having had my business for so long and not having to have been in a corporate environment...

Japan itself is great. I love the food, the people, the architecture, the aesthetic, the culture. The language barrier hasn't proven to be as difficult as I had thought it might be. I get along rather well in fact. Basically everything I had concerns about proved to be just fine.

The issues have actually been with things I thought would be easier. Work isn't what I'd hoped for. The pay is not how they represented it, and so affording to live here while still paying debt at home has been a serious stressor for me. If nothing had changed, I would have gotten further into debt and unable to stay here at all. I had to accept loans from people at home, and feeling dependent has never made me feel good about myself. That being said, I am SO grateful for every bit of support I've received! At the moment, I have switched to the night shift to make the money I need to make. I work from 10:30pm until 7:30am with a break from 3-5am. It's messed with my sleeping patterns and eating patterns and social life, but at the moment it's necessary to survive.

This company is truly a nightmare from an administrative angle too. Any changes we want to make require a request more than 30 days in advance, including any days off or vacation time. And then they may not grant those requests, telling you only a few days before you were hoping to have them. the above picture is my company's logo. It's some sort of bunny with a chicken's beak that hatches out of an egg filled with smaller eggs. It makes no sense. Just like the company.

Starting out wasn't easy either. It was difficult to go through training. They sort of threw us in quickly without much instruction. It's weird to be teaching over the computer, and for what I expected out of Japan, the technology is sort of rudimentary, for some reason. they don't seem like they've put too much into the interface. We are running about 7 different types of software at once that don't communicate with one another. The tech training was so tough.

My job isn't satisfying to me. It's more of a customer service job with teaching on the side. I'd much rather be in front of my students, and while it has its rewarding moments, it's not been what I was hoping for. Plus, It's very difficult to make a connection with three students in a 40-minute period. And it's rare that you ever see the same students. There are over 400 English teachers in my center, and over 300,000 students! I don't get to watch their continued growth, so it's sort of a flash in the pan.

That being said, I do love teaching. It's a beautiful thing to help them and watch them grow. I've always been a fan of watching the light bulb go off over someone's head. It's a good feeling. And it turns out that I'm a funny and effective teacher at that. Must be my genes...

Some of our classes are one-on-one right now, and others are three students at a time. I've learned that I'm better at the one-on-ones because I get to actually connect with the students. I've applied to be transferred to a branch classroom location in Kyoto to eliminate my 90-minute each way commute. That should give me more time to take on private students. In fact, I have my first full private lesson in just over an hour and am excited to be teaching two middle-aged housewives. Should be interesting.

Miyajima

2007-06-05T21:52:00.000+09:00

Taking a tram and then a ferry, Randy & I went to Miyajima, the location of the “Floating” Tori (gate). It is part of the Shinto creation myth that Japan was created through this area and is one of the most commonly photographed spots in Japan. During low tide you can go out underneath the gate, and during high tide, it looks as if it is floating. We also took a suspended cable car up the side of Mt. Misen and then hiked another half an hour up to the peak where we shared a bottle of wine and then were surprised by a Buddhist ceremony taking place with just a monk and two followers. This monk tends to a fire at the top of the mountain that has been burning for over 1200 years (and was very smoky!) and was eventually used to light the fire at the Peace Memorial. Complete with wild monkeys and overly friendly deer (one tried to eat my shirt in our first 5 minutes there), this is also home to momiji manju, which are maple leaf-shaped, palm-sized pancakes, stuffed with various fillings like custard, red bean paste, or chocolate. We actually got to see them made as we walked down the back streets of Miyajima.

Finding the kind of food we wanted at the hours we wanted it proved to be difficult. That being said, another highlight of this trip included trying okonomiyaki, which is a cabbage and cheese based omelette with various meats or toppings they cook on the heated counter in front of you. I’ve had this before in Osaka, where it originated, but in Hiroshima, it’s known to have soba (buckwheat noodles) added to the mix. We found this little building there where it’s just one diner booth after another of mom-and-pop businesses selling it. Complete with hot sauce and mine topped with squid, it was well worth the search.

See the link at the end of the Hiroshima entry below for photos of Miyajima.

Hiroshima

2007-06-05T21:42:00.000+09:00

Hiroshima wasn’t initially at the top of my list of places to visit during my time in Japan. It turned out to be beautiful and sobering at the same time. The city has dedicated itself to peace in the wake of its tragedy. Being the first city to ever be bombed with an atomic blast has definitely left its mark. The photo to the left is of the Dome a few hundred yards away from ground zero, and one of the few buildings to survive. They never repaired it as a reminder. Seeing the Peace Museum, complete with clothes left behind by people immediately burned left my eyes welling with tears. Many parents couldn’t identify their children except, in one case, by the lunch box he was clutching, and in another, the sandal the mother had just patched with cloth from her kimono. One child was riding his tricycle at the time (there's a photo of this if you click on the link below), and another was so caught off-guard that he was more concerned with following proper absence procedures from school the next day than the fact that he was covered in burns. He died the next day. In a surprising moment for us, we happened to witness a class of children come present gifts and origami cranes to the Children’s Peace Memorial, followed by short statements and then a beautiful song. As it turns out, this is a common field trip for schools in Japan, and as that class finished, the next one filed in, presented their version of the gifts and then sang the same song of peace. We were fortunate to catch some of this on film.

The other really notable part of the trip was that we took the shinkansen to get there and away. It’s a light rail train that goes over 300 km/hour (180 miles/hour) and arrived by the time we went to the bathroom and had a couple drinks. I tried to get photos of the front car (it looks like a race car crossed with a jet plane), but it went too fast to capture, even as it pulled into the station!

You can click HERE to see pics of Miyajima and Hiroshima, in that order. There are two pages of photos, which you can click on to enlarge or right-click to save. The second page even shows a model of Hiroshima before the blast and then another of right after.

Welcome!

2007-06-05T21:30:00.000+09:00

Well, it's only taken me about 4 and a half months to get this up and going. I hope it was worth the wait. I know I haven't been the best communicator since I got here. It's been a trial and a half, and I'm finally getting settled in Kyoto.

My first few months were full of challenges. My job was misrepresented financially. My housing situation was less than desirable. Needless to say, my initial joy at being in a new land with strange customs and doing my best to communicate and read signs were overshadowed by these issues.

I am changing my work schedule quite a bit, so things still aren't a routine yet. For now, I'm working from about 10:30pm until 7:30am 4 days a week and then one evening, all teaching English to as many as 3 students at a time over the internet. Crazy world we live in!

I'm somewhat frustrated that I haven't started Aikido yet, one of the main reasons I came here. It will start next month. I'm barely studying Japanese, partly because I reached a plateau where I can get by in most situations. That will be changing as well.

Rather than going all the way back in time, I'm going to start with last week and move forward. I will do my best to slowly include all of my past impressions of this bizarre land as I go forward.

Okay, so I hope you enjoy this. I will be including links to a web page with various photos you can enlarge or save if you want. Feel free to post comments as well. Until then...